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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many countries spend a lot of money in art. Some people think investment in art is necessary, but others say money is better spent on improving health and education. Discuss both arguments and give your opinion

#countries #money #art #people #investment #health #education #arguments
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The developed
Correct article usage
Developed
show examples
 countries around the globe vouch for the expansion of their collection of artistic articles.
However
, those that oppose
this
 notion believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the funds spent
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
such
 redundant items should be redirected towards the development of better health and education policies. Here, I shall discuss both of the
arguements
Correct your spelling
arguments
,
ere
Correct your spelling
here
show examples
, forming an opinion to the best of my reasoning abilities. The distinguished luminaries encouraging the
accumlation
Correct your spelling
accumulation
 of artworks
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
prods
Correct subject-verb agreement
prod
show examples
 their respective governments to facilitate an
ever growing
Add a hyphen
ever-growing
show examples
reserviour
Correct your spelling
reservoir
 of
art
 pieces in their museum infrastructure. To that end, a lot of wealth is spent on these display pieces. Wealth that would
otherwise
 be used to foster the growth of medical and educational facilities.
Thus
, those who agree with
this
 belief, advocate for
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 change
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the flow of funds going from the meaningless pursuit of
acquireing
Correct your spelling
acquiring
 artistic objects to the
nurishment
Correct your spelling
nourishment
 of the aforementioned facilities. As
such
, the finances spent
of
Change preposition
on
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hospital
Add an article
the hospital
a hospital
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 would allow the medical staff of a medical
center
Change the spelling
centre
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 to better equip themselves with state-of-the-
art
 machines.
Moreover
, it will
also
 enable extension of the facility to increase the number of wards to house more patients,
as well as
, establish a properly supplied and stocked pharmacy.
Additionally
, spending finances to improve or reform the education system
as well as
 bringing advancement to the primary, secondary and
tuturary
Correct your spelling
titulary
 educational building will improve the
overall
 literacy rate and the quality of education.
Thus
,
this
 approach is rooted in
prudency
Correct your spelling
prudence
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. On the other end, the
art
afficianados
Correct your spelling
aficionados
 fortify their case by making statements about the necessities of
art works
Correct your spelling
artworks
show examples
.
Such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 the importance of
art
 in a nation's culture, traditions and history.
Therefore
, they believe that artistic objects are the very backbone of a culture as they represent the cultural values,
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
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, customs and heritage.
Moreover
, they say that the native traditions of a country can not be sustained if not for the
existance
Correct your spelling
existence
 of
artefects
Correct your spelling
artefacts
 to pass
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 on to new generations.
Finally
, an object of historical significance is an invaluable thing,
worth
Replace the word
worthy
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 of reverence and should be treated with the care and respect worth of a national treasure. For the above reasons, they advocate for the pursuit of
attainment
Correct article usage
the attainment
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 of
art
 so they can be bestowed upon the next generation to teach them
values
Correct article usage
the values
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 of their native land.
To conclude
, both sides of
this
 debate hold considerable merit.
However
, I am of the opinion that the supporter of the
art work
Correct your spelling
artwork
show examples
 obtainment holds more weight
that
Correct your spelling
than
show examples
 the opposing side.
Submitted by bhanushalirohan0 on

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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • vital part
  • culture and heritage
  • attracting tourists
  • promote diversity
  • foster creativity
  • fundamental needs
  • directly impact
  • economic performance
  • productive workforce
  • widespread benefits
  • solid foundation
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