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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that parent should teach their children the discipline and wrong and right while other say they should nurture them in a good environment discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #parent #children #discipline #right #environment
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Raising
children
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
contemporary
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
 requires a lot of diligence. Some people believe that
parents
 should teach their
children
 to correct mistakes,
while
 others insist that they should only provide a good environment for learning. I believe that
parents
 should participate in raising their
children
. Educating young people and raising them in a good way is a responsibility that falls primarily on the shoulders of the
parents
, because they are the only ones who have the responsibility first in raising their
children
.
In addition
,
children
 spend their first years in front of their
parents'
Correct your spelling
parent's
show examples
 eyes, so it is a great opportunity to teach them what can be taught before they encounter the outside community.
For example
,
children
 learn how to deal with others through their daily interactions in their early stages with their
parents
 and family members.
On the other hand
, it is believed that providing the appropriate environment for educating
children
 is a good solution for raising them in a good upbringing. There are many schools that work to raise
children
 and teach them all the necessary skills at a very early age.
In addition
, many
parents
 are busy with their work to provide a decent life for their
children
, so it is good for them to
enroll
Change the spelling
enrol
show examples
 their
children
 in one of the schools or nurseries to leave the task of education to them, and the environment is
also
 good for education. In conclusion, I believe that educating
children
,
as well as
 supervising them during the stages of their early years, is very necessary, and
this
 role must be played by
parents
 and the participation of the community.
Submitted by Abdullah on

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task achievement
Enhance the clarity and strength of your thesis statement. It's a good idea to make it more specific and directly state that you believe a combination of guidance, discipline, and a nurturing environment are crucial in raising children.
task achievement
To make your essay more engaging and comprehensive, include more varied and detailed examples. This not only strengthens your argument but also makes your essay more interesting to the reader.
coherence cohesion
Use a variety of linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas. While your essay currently has a logical flow, the introduction of more complex connectors could enhance readability and coherence.
coherence cohesion
To organize your essay more effectively, consider devoting a paragraph to each view before presenting your own opinion. This structure helps in maintaining a logical flow and clearly presenting the contrasting perspectives.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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