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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that Children should be taught to be competitive in school. Other, however, say that cooperation and team working skills are more important. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #children #school #cooperation #team #skills
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Some people are strongly convinced that putting
children
 against each other is beneficial to their development and makes them
excell
Correct your spelling
excel
while
 others believe that
cooperation
 is the key to success. I think that
cooperation
 is exactly what is going to turn a child into a successful adult. First of all, instilling
cooperation
 in
children
 early on is essential because it promotes outside-of-the-box thinking and makes them find new ways
in solving
Change preposition
to solve
show examples
 complicated situations. These qualities are extremely important in life and especially at work,
for example
, because working together
instead
 of apart is what makes people bond, which in turn motivates them to become better and more successful.
Secondly
, collaboration teaches
children
 to compromise and,
consequently
, avoid conflict. A great
ilustration
Correct your spelling
illustration
 of
this
 would be my friend's family.
Cooperation
 and kindness to one another
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 been ingrained in his and his siblings' minds throughout their whole lives and that made them encourage each other to not stop when facing obstacles.
In
Change preposition
As
show examples
result
Correct article usage
a result
show examples
, now all three of them are studying at the same university, helping and inspiring each other along the way.
On the other hand
, competition can drive a person a lot and make them
Correct your spelling
excel
excellent
excell
Correct your spelling
excel
,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 it
instills
Change the spelling
instils
show examples
 bad morals and makes people stop at nothing to get what they want and
cooperation
 is a much better alternative as it impacts the same but without the harmful part Allin all
cooperation
instead
 of competition should be instilled in
children
 as it teaches them
keep
Add the particle
to keep
show examples
 an open mind and make concessions
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task achievement
Ensure to fully address all aspects of the task prompt. Expand on the discussion of competition as well as cooperation.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a clear and logical structure with a well-developed introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Maintain this organization throughout the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • strive
  • healthy competition
  • real-world competition
  • excessive
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • win-at-all-costs
  • detrimental
  • character development
  • empathy
  • communication skills
  • group efforts
  • individual talents
  • self-reliance
  • independence
  • balanced approach
  • competitive learning environments
  • cooperative learning environments
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