There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

Music
plays a significant role in our
live
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lives
show examples
. There are different kinds of
music
in the world
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
present time. In my opinion, there are several reasons why we need
music
namely,
alleviate
Fix the infinitive
to alleviate
show examples
stress
, and unite
people
, I believe international
music
extremely crucial than traditional
music
.
To begin
with, the primary reason why we need
music
is to reduce
stress
. To illustrate, listening to
music
after
stressful
Correct article usage
a stressful
show examples
day
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
people
to
relaxation
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relax
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and mitigate
stress
.
Therefore
, less
stress
mean
Change the verb form
means
show examples
people
are
les
Correct your spelling
less
vulnerable to
get
Wrong verb form
getting
show examples
mental health issues namely, depression, and anxiety.
Bring
Wrong verb form
Bringing
show examples
people
together is another reason why we need
music
.
For example
, many
people
worldwide from different backgrounds and cultures attend Opera performances, which
mean
Correct subject-verb agreement
means
show examples
this
can contribute to
minimize
Wrong verb form
minimising
show examples
cultural differences among nations.
Consequently
,
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
show examples
cultural differences mean less discrimination and conflicts among
people
, which
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can spread peace around the world. When it comes to
type
Add an article
the type
show examples
of
music
, I totally believe international
music
is very important than traditional
music
.
To begin
with, international
music
allow
Change the verb form
allows
show examples
people
to experience a new culture and heritage.
For instance
, listening to Opera performances help
people
to experience
western
Capitalize word
Western
show examples
cultures, which
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can make
people
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
more likely to become open-mind to accept another culture.
Furthermore
, listening to
internationl
Correct your spelling
international
music
help
people
to learn foreign languages. To demonstrate, when I listen to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
USA
music
I can improve my listening skills in
English
Change the article
the English
show examples
language, which
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
me to learn
language
Add an article
a language
the language
show examples
in
Add an article
an entertainment
show examples
entertainment
Replace the word
entertaining
show examples
way.
As a result
, I believe international
music
can enhance
learning
Add an article
the learning
show examples
process of language.
To sum up
, From my perspective , there are diverse reasons why we need
music
such
as ,
mitigate
Wrong verb form
mitigating
show examples
stress
, and
bring
Wrong verb form
bringing
show examples
people
together, I totally think international
music
very significant than traditional
music
.
Submitted by faiz3177 on

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • emotional release
  • cultural significance
  • globalization
  • cultural exchange
  • technology
  • preservation
  • cultural heritage
  • social cohesion
  • expression
  • consumption
  • production
  • traditional music
  • international music
  • diversity
  • identity
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