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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Organized tour to remote areas and community is increasingly popular. Is it a positive or negative development for the local people and the environment?

#tour #areas #community #development #people #environment
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With the improvement of
tourism
Use synonyms
 and globalisation, most
tourism
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 agencies are organizing tours to the countryside these days. Some people believe that
this
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tourism
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 activity helps to develop in rural areas opportunities which
locals
Use synonyms
 have,
while
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 others think that the reverse is true.
This
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 has some positive impacts on the local people, but I think the detrimental effects on the environment are more significant and that the issue is more of a negative development. First of all, the environment in the countryside hosts various kinds of animals,
such
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 as birds, fish etc.
According to
Linking Words
 scientific reports, many types of fish are affected in a negative way during the
tourism
Use synonyms
 season.
For example
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, the population of salmon in the ocean dramatically decreased, after the number of tours increased in Iceland.
Thus
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, tourists should care for and respect the life condition of local and endangered species of animals. In regard to, people who live in rural areas have limited chances about their life conditions.
For instance
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, the amount of food depends on the weather
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
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,
additionally
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, after a hard winter season the amount of harvested crops is just enough only local
peoples
Change noun form
people's
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 eating habits. During the tour season,
locals
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 couldn't answer the demand of tourists. Because of
this
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,
tourism
Use synonyms
 agencies ought to access fresh information about local life. So,
to sum up
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, it is clear to say that,
tourism
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 is one the most important income sources for the
locals
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.
However
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, especially in
dangered
Correct your spelling
endangered
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 situations, the government and
locals
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 should cooperate together to protect their natural environment. I think that the negative environmental consequences that
this
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 situation brings are far more significant.
Submitted by melekevirgen on

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task achievement
The task is well understood but ensure all parts are equally developed to improve completeness.
task achievement
Consider expanding on how exactly tourism impacts local economies and what specific measures can mitigate negative effects.
coherence cohesion
Develop your arguments further with more specific examples and clearer links between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and logical flow, transitioning smoothly between points.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt and demonstrates understanding of the topic by discussing both perspectives.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion provide a good framework and summary for the essay.
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