IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?
#countries #people #population #governments #society
With the thriving of technology, the population is growing older than it used to be. Some argue that it creates multiple problems for the local governments,
while
 others think it is more beneficial to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society to have more
elders
 around.
While
 having more aged
people
 is a big advantage for our world, there are some potential issues that are needed to be worried about. With
Add an article
an aging
the aging
show examples
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
 population, the communities may be experiencing some hinder difficult situations. The requirement
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 more long-term
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is one of the biggest problems. As
people
 grow older, our body systems may not work
as well as
 they use to
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
, some may need others to take them to the washroom, whilst some perhaps require caregivers to do everything for them because of their limited movement.
For example
, my great-grandmother who passed away a few years ago,
she
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
needed to hire a full-time caregiver since she cannot move at all. There are many pros of having elderly
people
 in our world
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and one of the largest benefits is that we can learn many things from their long lives. Living for
such
 a long time allows them to have a lot of wisdom and knowledge of life that they can share with us young
people
.
For example
, the
elders
 who had lived
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 life in WWII can share their experiences and teach us how to cope with the harsh time and what to do if we have to go through the same situation. In conclusion, I would argue that a world with more
elders
 is a better place and the benefits
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 having
elders
outweitghs
Correct your spelling
outweighs
outweigh
 the downside.
Submitted by maokaiyi0423 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
What to do next:
Look at other essays: