IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Some people think that children should learn how to compete, but other think that children should be taught to cooperatevto become more useful adults. Express some reasons for both views and give your opinion.

#people #children #cooperatevto #adults
In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern time, it is believed by some that the young ones always have to be
competative
Correct your spelling
competitive
 and smart for
thier
Correct your spelling
their
overall
 growth.
While
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
others think differently stating that a child should be adjustive with the surroundings which
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 good for
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 development as
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 matured person.
This
 essay shall discuss both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
statement.
To begin
 with , it is often said "
a
Capitalize word
A
show examples
 child can be moulded the way you can" so it becomes important for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adults
Add the particle
to be
show examples
be shape
Change the verb form
be shaped
be shaping
show examples
 properly and teach them.In
this
 world, full of competition , it is necessary for
adolscent
Correct your spelling
adolescents
adolescent
 to learn how to face the world with bravery and smartness and not to fall down and simultaneously , be always ready to fight back in all situations.
In addition
 to that,the little ones prove to be
strongest
Correct article usage
the strongest
show examples
.
On the other hand
,
also
 there are people teaching the kids to be nice , polite and helpful.The idea of being together and helping the needy is more emphasised.
These kind
Change the determiner
This kind
These kinds
show examples
 of nurturing results in the society which leads to a very peaceful and happy place to live.
Moreover
, the young ones with
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 adaptive nature
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 more maturity. To sum it up , none of the beliefs
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 wrong in
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 way as , it is important to be smart
as well as
 be
helpful
Add an article
a helpful
the helpful
show examples
 grown-up.
Likewise
, in my opinion , the youth should be brought up in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 way where one can be smart enough to deal
the
Change preposition
with the
show examples
 challenges
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
 being
thoughtfull
Correct your spelling
thoughtful
 for the community.
Submitted by palshah87 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: