IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help local community. They believe this would benefit both individual teenagers and societ as a whole. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #teenagers #work #time #community #societ
Adolescents are considered to be provided with
job
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jobs
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 without
salary
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salaries
show examples
 that make
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
progress in local society, as it can
beneficial
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benefit
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 teenagers to spend their leisure
time
 effectively. I believe that by providing unpaid
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 young people not only add their efforts to develop community, but
also
 get an experience from an early age. On the one hand,
time
 is precious that should be allocated accurately.Adolescents who have free
time
 may easily interrupt by social media
such
 as Facebook, Twitter or Instagram
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 make them waste
time
.
In other words
, they are getting become
illiterate
Add an article
an illiterate
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duo
Correct your spelling
due
show examples
 to addiction to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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social media. So,
giving
Change preposition
by giving
show examples
 an unpaid
job
for
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to
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 teenagers,society can create a better life for themselves as they may be aware of tricks or secrets of
job
Correct article usage
the job
show examples
 which will be useful in their future
career
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careers
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. Apart from getting experience from unpaid
work
,they can improve
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 capabilities in different
stage
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stages
show examples
 that they may learn how to communicate with clients and be social and tackle issues they face. They will be independent and take
a
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apply
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responsibility from an
aerly
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early
 age.
For
this
 reason, urging
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation to be engaged in voluntary
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 influence positively to improve their abilities.
In addition
 to it, working with young people bring endless benefits to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society that they may be creative and give new ideas to reach the peak of
work
. Regarding
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the
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apply
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work
 productivity in the
last
 survey, teenagers show their progress in different
branchs
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branches
branch
 than old workers who follow only rules
that
is
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are
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 hard for them to think
out
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outside
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 of
box
Add an article
the box
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,
for instance
.
On the Other hand
, young people who are working
for
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apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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unpaid
job
 may
loose
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lose
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
interest
that
Change preposition
in that
show examples
 they want to train
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their favourite activities in their free
time
. If they are
encoureged
Correct your spelling
encouraged
 with
work
, they may
loose
Replace the word
lose
show examples
 their way which
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 them concentrate on only
work
,
as a
result
Add the comma(s)
,result
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 they are tired and become obsessed with
work
 that they have no
tedency
Correct your spelling
tendency
 to do their study or achieve their main goal. In conclusion, suppling with unpaid
job
 give youngsters a great deal of opportunities that
facilitiate
Correct your spelling
facilitate
 their lives to become qualified in the future.
Submitted by kmuxayyo97 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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