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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

More and more people these days work harder and longer hours and have no time for family life and friends. What are the causes in your opinion for this? How is it affecting family life and the society as a whole?

#people #work #hours #time #life #friends #society
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It is true that people have increasingly put in extra
hours
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 at
work
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 and
therefore
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 had little
time
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 for their families and friends in recent years.
This
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 essay will discuss the possible causes in my perspective for
this
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 growing trend and
also
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suggests
Correct subject-verb agreement
suggest
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 the possible consequences that may result in both personal life and society. There are several causes for people working harder and longer
hours
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 in today's world.
First,
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since the world's population is still increasing in huge annual increments, at around 80 million per year, with scarce resources and opportunities, people are having to contend with each other harder than ever before, especially in densely populated areas.
This
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 means that if a person doesn't
work
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 diligently, he or she will be susceptible to unemployment and not be able to feed his or her family.
Second,
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spending more
time
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 working can offer a number of benefits to workers in the company.
For example
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, by leaning into a frenzy in the workplace, a worker can be viewed as productive or being sought after, creating a sense of status for him or her.
Consequently
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, the trend can affect individuals and society to a certain extent. Being overly concerned about
work
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 can impair other important aspects of life, including relationships with family members.
For instance
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, some successful managers have divorced many times or have not been able to watch their children grow since they don't spend
time
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 with their families.
In addition
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, spending too much
time
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 in the performance zone could give rise to various mental health problems,
such
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 as burnout or stress, leading to productivity loss
as a result
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. Recent research and studies conducted have indicated that productivity decreases for employees who
work
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 more than fifty
hours
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 per week because of inadequate recovery
time
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. In short, I believe that overpopulation and self-recognition have caused employees to spend longer
hours
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 in the workplace and neglect family relationships.
This
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 may result in burnout and stress, leading to reduced productivity and spoiling family relationships.
Submitted by quangduong11750 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that ideas are logically linked throughout the essay. Work on improving the structure of the introduction and conclusion to effectively frame your discussion.
task achievement
Although the essay addresses the prompt and presents relevant ideas, it could benefit from providing more specific examples and expanding on the impact of longer working hours on personal and societal levels. Consider providing detailed illustrations to support your points.
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