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Writing Samples
Band 4

The diagram below shows how instant noodles are manufactured.

The diagram below shows how instant noodles are manufactured.
#instant #noodles
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Picture
Add an article
The picture
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 shows how to make instant noodles with
Use synonyms
step by
Add a hyphen
step-by-step
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step
Use synonyms
 guidance.
Overall
Linking Words
, there are total 8 stages associated
in
Change preposition
with
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this
Linking Words
 making
process
Use synonyms
 which required some ingredients, materials and technical stuff. Noodle making
process
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 required certain steps to through before it comes as
final
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the final
a final
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 product.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, need to store some flour at
initial
Correct article usage
the initial
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 stage through
loading
Correct article usage
the loading
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 vehicle and
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
Use synonyms
step
Add a comma
,step
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 these flour should be mixed with oil or water. For the next
step
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, the mixture would be routed on dough sheets through
roller
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the roller
a roller
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. Afterwards, it would convert into dough strips, and it would appear as noodles discs.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, now it is required to add cooking oil and
drying
Correct article usage
the drying
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process
Use synonyms
 comes into account.
In addition
Linking Words
, it has required to add vegetables and spices before putting
into
Correct pronoun usage
them into
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 cups. It should
labelled
Change the verb form
be labelled
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 once put into the cup.
Linking Words
Finally
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,Finally
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 the noodles are ready and
Linking Words
this
Change the determiner
these
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 ready cups need to be sealed to complete
this
Linking Words
 making
process
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by kintans54 on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words step, process with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 1 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • manufacturing process
  • mixing ingredients
  • dough preparation
  • sheeting
  • steaming
  • cutting techniques
  • dehydration
  • deep-frying
  • cooling system
  • packaging
  • quality control
  • production line
  • mass production
  • food preservation
  • convenience food
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