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Writing Samples
Band 6

The diagrams below show the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes.

The diagrams below show the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes.
#diagrams #show #stages #equipment #process #cement #purposes
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The two graphs illustrate the stages of
production
Use synonyms
 of
cenment
Correct your spelling
cement
 and concrete for construction aims.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear the
production
Use synonyms
 of
cement
Use synonyms
beginning
Wrong verb form
begins
show examples
 with mixing
limstone
Correct your spelling
limestone
 and clay and
final
Correct article usage
the final
show examples
stage
Use synonyms
 is
put
Wrong verb form
putting
show examples
cement
Use synonyms
 in
bages
Correct your spelling
bags
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
production
Use synonyms
 of concrete start with mixing
cement
Use synonyms
 with water and the final
stage
Use synonyms
 was
Correct article usage
the concerte
show examples
concerte
Correct your spelling
concrete
 mixer. Regarding
Use synonyms
production
Add an article
the production
show examples
 of
cement
Use synonyms
, the first
stage
Use synonyms
 was
mix
Fix the infinitive
to mix
show examples
 limestone with clay and enter them
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
crusher
Correct article usage
a crusher
show examples
 in order
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
convert
Change the verb form
converting
show examples
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
them to powder.
The
Change preposition
In the
show examples
 next
stage
Use synonyms
, powder
enter
Change the verb form
enters
show examples
mixer
Correct article usage
the mixer
show examples
, and
pass
Correct subject-verb agreement
passes
show examples
 through
Correct article usage
the rotatiog
show examples
rotatiog
Correct your spelling
rotating
rotation
 heater in order to convert powder to grains.
Finally
Linking Words
,
grinder
Correct article usage
the grinder
show examples
convert
Change the verb form
converts
show examples
grians
Correct your spelling
grains
grain
 to
cement
Use synonyms
, and after that
cement
Use synonyms
put
Add a missing verb
is put
show examples
 in bags. When it comes to
Use synonyms
production
Add an article
the production
show examples
 of concrete, four elements
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
mix
Wrong verb form
mixed
show examples
 with other. To illustrate, 15 % of
cement
Use synonyms
 with 10 % of water
mix
Wrong verb form
mixed
show examples
 with 25 % sand and 50 % gravel and put the combination on
concrete
Correct article usage
a concrete
show examples
 mixer.
Submitted by faiz3177 on

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words production, cement, stage with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "illustrate" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • construction
  • cement-making
  • raw materials
  • crushing
  • mixing
  • heating
  • grinding
  • cement powder
  • packaging
  • distribution
  • concrete
  • versatility
  • strength
  • aggregate
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