Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
this
Linking Words
modern society, many
children
Use synonyms
spend hours playing with their mobile
devices
Use synonyms
. Even young born
todler
Correct your spelling
toddlers
is given gadgets to keep them accompany
while
Linking Words
their parents
busy
Add a missing verb
are busy
show examples
trying to either get them to eat
nor
Replace the word
or
show examples
minding
Wrong verb form
mind
show examples
their own business.
This
Linking Words
can be either
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
or bad impact
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
these days
children
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
with,
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
modern
devices
Use synonyms
can give
children
Use synonyms
bad impacts
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
their mental health and habits. Handphones will usually
Add a missing verb
be givent
show examples
givent
Correct your spelling
given
to
children
Use synonyms
by their mothers.
This
Linking Words
because
Add a missing verb
is because
show examples
from
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
early
age
Add a comma
,age
show examples
they are used to
be
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
given
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
smartphones whenever they cannot be calm when
the
Change the word
their
show examples
mother
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
trying to give them
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
can cause a habit for the
children
Use synonyms
when they're eating. They will throw
tantrum
Fix the agreement mistake
tantrums
show examples
so the mother could give them the
devices
Use synonyms
and focus on the screen for a day long.
In addition
Linking Words
,
many
Correct quantifier usage
much
show examples
content
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social media
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
not yet suitable for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young
children
Use synonyms
to be exposed to. They haven't know which is bad or which is good.
Thus
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
create
Change the verb form
creates
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
bad mental health for them. They could easily be shown
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
content that
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
not appropriate without their parent knowing they're seeing that things.
This
Linking Words
will slowly develop
a
Change the article
an
show examples
unpleasent
Correct your spelling
unpleasant
act towards others in their growing
fase
Correct your spelling
phase
.
However
Linking Words
, there
Linking Words
also
Add a missing verb
is also
show examples
a fine impact
giving
Change preposition
on giving
show examples
children
Use synonyms
gadgets. With
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
proper
time
Use synonyms
management and
supervisions
Fix the agreement mistake
supervision
show examples
from the parents,
this
Linking Words
will make the
children
Use synonyms
know better when they have to use the mobile phone
as well as
Linking Words
how long they should stop using it.
This
Linking Words
will create a sense of responsibility for the
children
Use synonyms
in the future to know how to have
responsiblity
Correct your spelling
responsibility
over
Change preposition
for
show examples
their phones.
To sum up
Linking Words
, there are both positive and negative
impact
Fix the agreement mistake
impacts
show examples
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
development if they're given mobile
devices
Use synonyms
for a long
time
Use synonyms
.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
the
postive
Correct your spelling
positive
side, they could have better
time
Use synonyms
management and have responsibility
over
Change preposition
for
show examples
their
time
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
on the other hand
Linking Words
, they could get exposed to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
content
that is
Linking Words
not suitable for their age, yet parents will have no control over their
children
Use synonyms
using
a gadgets
Correct the article-noun agreement
gadgets
a gadget
show examples
.
Submitted by lydiaia on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
What to do next:
Look at other essays: