IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 word

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development #word
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In line with the shift in
time
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, there are growing concerns about the
amount
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 of
time
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 that
children
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 spend on their
smartphones
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.
While
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 there are many individuals claiming that it is a positive development, I strongly believe
this
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 phenomenon could bring numerous drawbacks to
children
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.
To begin
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 with, it is fathomable that there are a number of individuals who assume that the more hours
children
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 spend on
smartphones
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, the more benefits they could earn. The primary reason behind
this
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 could be the fact that adolescents might be able to broaden their knowledge by using
smartphones
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due to
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 the
amount
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 of information stored on the internet.
Moreover
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,
it is clear that
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smartphones
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 could be used to reduce the strain on
children
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 by watching a lot of educational videos that are uploaded on the internet.
Therefore
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,
children
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 might be able to gain knowledge and entertain themselves by using
smartphones
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.
However
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, it is only valid to a certain extent.
On the other hand
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, the sheer
amount
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 of
time
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 spent on
smartphones
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 might be detrimental to
children
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.
This
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 seems to stem from the fact that adolescents could be easily addicted to their
smartphones
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, which might lead to a lack of communication and physical activity. It is undeniable that using
smartphones
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 at a high frequency could result in many mental problems,
such
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 as depression, anxiety, or something along those lines,
due to
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 the fact that
children
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 might avoid socializing and keep themselves out of the social cycle. On top of that, it is possible for
children
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 to have obesity because they tend to spend their
time
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 on
smartphones
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 rather than exercising regularly.
In other words
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, adolescents might have both physical and mental problems
due to
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 using
smartphones
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.After considering
this
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 issue, I have come to the conclusion that even though
smartphones
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 could help
children
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 expand their knowledge, many drawbacks that are related to health problems and mental illnesses might appear
due to
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 the large
amount
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 of
time
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 that they spend on them.
Submitted by thucbiapluto on

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Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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