IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some governments provide financial assistance for retired, unemployed and disabled citizens. In other countries, families provide support for these people. Discuss both systems and give your opinion about which one you think is better.

All around the world, there are different provisions of monetary help to retirees, unemployed and handicapped residents. In some states, the government provides all funding,
while
Linking Words
 in others it is mainly an individual's and
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 family's responsibility to bear all expenses
including
Punctuation problem
, including
show examples
 medical bills, old age homes stay and even in case of any emergency. In my opinion, financial aid from the authorities
makes
Verb problem
is
show examples
 a logical and responsible action.
However
Linking Words
, in
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss both these views and points in support of my belief.
Firstly
Linking Words
, in almost all nations, a major part of the government finance budget comes from
tax
Use synonyms
 collection
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is deducted from their
citizen's
Check wording
citizens'
show examples
 incomes
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
this
Linking Words
tax
Use synonyms
 rule is uniformly applicable to all private
as well as
Linking Words
 government jobs. In countries like Japan and Australia, almost 50 % of the income goes into
tax
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 results in very
less
Correct word choice
little
show examples
 savings for the future.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, these countries
also
Linking Words
 provide
back
Rephrase
apply
show examples
free health care, old age assistance and even free recreational homes to support unemployed and retired people.
Therefore
Linking Words
, people stay stress-free and do not worry about their future. 
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, in most developing countries, despite good
tax
Use synonyms
 collection from public funds, individual families bear all costs and concerns of their members
whether
Punctuation problem
, whether
show examples
 retirees, unemployed or disabled. There is always a crisis and tension in
this
Linking Words
 kind of arrangement
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 so even young earners worry about their retirement future
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 obviously affects their present health and lifestyle. A report from
BBC
Correct article usage
the BBC
show examples
 highlighted the lowest happiness index of
such
Linking Words
 nations
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 citizens are often worried about expenses. In my belief, a government-aided financial system is the right approach to support citizens who are not earning a regular income
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as people who are retired, are not employed and are physically not fit for work.
This
Linking Words
 system allows harmony
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and happiness and avoids stress in a society.

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task response
State your view clearly in the intro and keep this view through the essay.
task response
Add more details and reasons for each view, with one clear example for each side.
coherence
Use a clear plan: intro, body, and conclusion; keep one idea per paragraph.
coherence
Link ideas with simple words to show order and help flow.
grammar
Check grammar and use short, simple sentences to make ideas easy.
strength
The essay shows a clear view and has a plan.
strength
It uses some good examples and link words.
strength
It talks about both sides before giving the view.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial assistance
  • retired
  • unemployed
  • disabled
  • government support
  • safety net
  • social security
  • pensions
  • poverty
  • social inequality
  • redistribute
  • wealth
  • savings
  • financial planning
  • political climate
  • economic stability
  • familial support
  • intergenerational
  • community ties
  • pressure
  • strained relationships
  • feasible
What to do next:
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