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Writing Samples
Band 5

In the past, when students did a university degree, they tended to study in their own country. Nowadays, they have more opportunity to study abroad. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this development? You should use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence.

#students #university #study #country #opportunity #development #support #arguments #evidence
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In the past few decades, studying abroad has got an immense increase
while
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 in the past
students
Use synonyms
 preferred to study in their own place rather than going to other
countries
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.
Further
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, we will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of the aforementioned statement. Let's start with the advantages of studying in other
countries
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.
Firstly
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, In many
countries
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, education has not grown that well and
for getting
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to get
show examples
 better knowledge
students
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 need to migrate from their homes around the globe.
Moreover
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, they can get more opportunities to study in different fields which are not taught in their home
countries
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.
For example
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, a student who lives in Kenya doesn't have good medical studies in their own country
as a result
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 they have to move to a foreign for better scope.
Lastly
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, by moving abroad they get the chance to learn about new people and cultures as well. How different their lifestyle is, and what good things they can adapt from them.
On the other hand
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, they have to manage their own needs by their own as they become alone in foreign and sometimes even
students
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 start facing problems like anxiety, depression etc.
Moreover
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, they
also
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 can't concentrate on their studies as they need to do jobs simultaneously for their day-to-day life needs. Even children are forgetting good things about their culture as they are heavily influenced by foreign cultures.
To conclude
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, as we can see there are more advantages than disadvantages. In my opinion,
Students
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 should apply for studies
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
abroad as they can grab
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
knowledge from all over the globe.
Submitted by patels on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear structure. The introduction and conclusion are appropriately present, but the body paragraphs lack coherence and logical flow. It is important to organize the ideas in a more structured manner.
task response
The essay provides a partial task response. While both advantages and disadvantages are addressed, the development lacks depth and clarity. The essay should explore the advantages and disadvantages in more detail, providing specific examples and evidence to support the points.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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