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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The pie charts show the electricity generated in Germany and France from all sources and renewables in the year 2009.

The pie charts show the electricity generated in Germany and France from all sources and renewables in the year 2009.
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The four pie charts depict the percentage of electricity generation in two different countries from all types and
renewables
Use synonyms
 in 2009.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the highest proportion in
France
Use synonyms
 was nuclear and
renewables
Use synonyms
 including hydroelectric made up the highest trend
while
Linking Words
, in
Germany
Use synonyms
, these types were lower. It is obviously seen that in 2009, the usage of nuclear was distinguished noticeably that consisted of 23% in
Germany
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 it was 76% in
France
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, conventional thermal made up 59% of German, it showed a downward trend of 10.3% in
France
Use synonyms
.
According to
Linking Words
 the
Renewables
Use synonyms
, they differentiated only 1% as they consisted of 17.4% and 18.7% respectively in
Germany
Use synonyms
 and
France
Use synonyms
. Regarding
renewables
Use synonyms
 which included three different types of electricity, Hydroelectric Power accounted for the largest proportion 80.5% in
France
Use synonyms
.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 figure was 17.7% in
Germany
Use synonyms
. Biomass and wind energy demonstrated larger proportions 39.3% and 36.9% in
Germany
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 these figures were the lowest points in
France
Use synonyms
 8.1% and 10.5% in
France
Use synonyms
.
Besides
Linking Words
 that in two countries, solar energy consisted of 6,1% and 0.9% in 2009.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words renewables, france, germany with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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