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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The table below gives information on the proportion of carbohydrates, protein and fat in three different diets. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below. Make comparisons where relevant.

The table below gives information on the proportion of carbohydrates, protein and fat in three different diets. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below. Make comparisons where relevant.
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The graph lays off information about the percentage of
three
Use synonyms
 different kinds of substances, carbohydrates, protein, and fat contained in
three
Use synonyms
 types of diets. The data is written in the unit of percentage.
This
Linking Words
 writing will highlight some important features from the chart for a university lecturer
elaborating
Change the verb form
to elaborate
show examples
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
 information and compare them when necessary. The graph shows that there are
three
Use synonyms
 essential ingredients existing inside all
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
commercial food. Natrium, which is needed as a daily nutrition, is mostly supplied by having dinners and lunches, with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
percentages of 43% and 29%, respectively.
In contrast
Linking Words
, Sugar
addition
Correct your spelling
addiction
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 digested by the body is given by snacks, reaching the percentage of 42%, which is the highest number compared to the other
three
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, breakfast only contributes 16% worth of lipids which contain a double bond or more and carbohydrates.
Moreover
Linking Words
, breakfasts have the least
nutritions
Fix the agreement mistake
nutrition
show examples
. It never contributes more than 16% to the intake of sodium, fat and sugar.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words three with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "compare" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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