IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people think that the government has the duty to ensure its citizens have a healthy diet, while others argue it is the responsibility of each individual. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #government #duty #citizens #diet #responsibility
While
 some people believe that the government is responsible for guaranteeing the community's balanced diet, others argue that citizens must manage their lifestyle personally. I agree with the latter viewpoint. In my opinion,
due to
 disease prevention, the community needs to pay more attention to their health consciousness. On the one hand, there are several reasons why the crowd believes that the ministry plays a vital role in society's health management.
Firstly
, in a pandemic, they make the decisions that ensure that everyone is fully vaccinated to halt the spread of the virus.
Secondly
, the government takes full responsibility for disseminating information about disease and protective measures for the population.
For instance
, every nation has its own program to provide information about a healthy lifestyle that shows some tips for the community to avoid illness.
As a result
, everyone can understand and have an optimistic mindset about
healthcare
.
On the other hand
, I believe that each person needs to care about their life since only they can feel how strong their body is.
Firstly
, balancing their diet, staying hydrated, having regular check-ups and intense workouts are their own responsibilities that they can do actively. Another reason is society's mindset.
For example
, there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 a number of citizens who deny medication services because they do not believe in hospital quality, which means they think that they can treat diseases by themselves.
Therefore
, human thinking about
healthcare
 is important.
To sum up
, even though the
healthcare
 responsibility of the authority plays an important role in global health, it seems to me whether citizens’
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 healthy or not depends on their mindset and
healthcare
initiative
Fix the agreement mistake
initiatives
show examples
.
Submitted by trangphan121206 on

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task response
Your essay addresses the prompt effectively by discussing both views and providing your opinion. To enhance the task response further, ensure that your opinion is supported with more detailed reasoning and examples.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay demonstrates good coherence and cohesion with a clear overall structure. However, to improve this further, make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next and consider using linking words to connect ideas more effectively.
task response
Clear discussion of both views and a balanced opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Well-structured essay with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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