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Writing Samples
Band 7

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relavant.

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relavant.
#shops #country #summarise #information #features #comparison #relavant
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This
Linking Words
 given graph provides some information about the
number
Use synonyms
 of shopping businesses that had been closed or had been opened in the particular land from 2011 to 2018.
Overall
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, with the exception of some fluctuations that these two figures experienced throughout
this
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 time frame, both of them had a downward
trend
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overally
Correct your spelling
overall
.
According to
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 the
number
Use synonyms
 of closures, it can be seen
this
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 figure started at about 6500 and
then
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 decreased to 6000 after one
year
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 and again the
number
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 of closed stores slightly increased to more than 7000 in 2013. During the 2 next
years
Add a comma
,years
show examples
this
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trend
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 had been reversed and
this
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 amount plummeted down to less than 1000 in 2015. Between 2015 and 2016
this
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number
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 suddenly rocketed up to a
further
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 5000 and
then
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 until the
last
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year
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 it remained almost unchanged at 5000. Moving into the
number
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 of new stores that had been established during
this
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 period of time,
this
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 figure started at more than 8000 of novel stores in the first
year
Use synonyms
 and
then
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 considerably
felt
Correct your spelling
fell
show examples
 to 4000. Between 2012 and 2014 it experienced a growing
trend
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 of about 6000 and over the following
year
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this
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trend
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 again declined to 4000.
Moreover
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,
this
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 figure stood at around 4000 from 2015 to 2017 and
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finally
Add a comma
,finally
show examples
this
Linking Words
 amount reduced from 4000 to 3000.
Submitted by m.v.g1371 on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, trend, year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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