IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Museums and art galleries should concentrate on works that show history and culture of their own country rather than works of the other parts in the world. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays, the number of
museums
Use synonyms
 and
art
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 galleries is dramatically increasing throughout the world. Some of them are supported by either the government or private investors. The understandable result of
this
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 some of them can focus on just their own
national's
Change noun form
national
show examples
 masterpieces, others show a general piece of
art
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. Some people believe that
museums
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 and
art
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 galleries should show the history and
culture
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 of their own country more than others. I totally disagree with
this
Linking Words
 idea and would like to express my thoughts. First of all, showing exhibition in
museums
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 and
art
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 galleries create a chance to make money from
coming
Verb problem
apply
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visitors who live in foreign countries.
For example
Linking Words
, today Van Gogh's reputation
wide
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
spreads over oceans, and some of his oil paintings are shown around the world by different
museums
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.
This
Linking Words
 exhibition helps to hit the number of visitors and to spread out
Netherland's
Fix the agreement mistake
Netherlands's
show examples
culture
Use synonyms
 anywhere via the visitors' minds and vivid memories.
Thus
Linking Words
, a country which wants to promote its national
culture
Use synonyms
 could use the
art
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 and national artists for
this
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 occasion.
Secondly
Linking Words
, tourism plays a crucial role in countries developing these days.
For instance
Linking Words
, in the summertime, most people travel to the Mediterranean countries because of the natural picturesque beauties,
such
Linking Words
 as the habitat, sea etc. Meanwhile, most tourists would like to see a museum which has significant importance in their own
culture
Use synonyms
. It is possible to say that, a Turkish person who visits Greece could access a specific collection of bringing its country. For ages, the
art
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 collection
travels
Wrong verb form
has travelled
show examples
 around the world. Because of
this
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, having and showing a foreign collection has critical importance to be an attractive centre. So,
to sum up
Linking Words
, expressing either local artists' or foreign famous artists' collections
has
Verb problem
is
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 one of the most important parts
to gain
Change preposition
of gaining
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 income from tourism. The government ought to
make co-operations
Verb problem
cooperate with
show examples
 other nations' authorities to expand the arts' impact and fame.

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Task Response
Your essay provides a clear response to the prompt, presenting a well-structured argument with relevant examples and explanations. However, ensure that your main points are consistently supported throughout your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay demonstrates good overall coherence and cohesion. Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame your argument, and your ideas are presented in a logical and organized manner. To improve further, ensure that each paragraph contributes to the overall coherence of the essay, and use cohesive devices to link ideas within and between sentences.
Lexical Resource
You have used a wide range of vocabulary and expressions to convey your ideas effectively. However, ensure that your word choice is precise and accurate. Additionally, aim to incorporate more sophisticated and nuanced vocabulary to enhance the lexical resource.
Grammatical Range
You have shown a good command of grammatical structures and have effectively conveyed your ideas using a variety of sentence structures. To improve further, pay attention to subject-verb agreement, word order, and the use of complex sentences to add variety to your writing.
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