IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The charts below show the number of Japanese tourists travelling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australias share of the Japanese tourist market. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.

The charts below show the number of Japanese tourists travelling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australias share of the Japanese tourist market. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.
#show #japanese #tourists #australias #tourist #market #report #university #lecturer #information
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The Bar and line charts
illustrestes
Correct your spelling
illustrate
 the Japanese people
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
travelling in different countries from 1985 to 1995 with their contribution
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
Australian
Add an article
the Australian
show examples
 travel market.
Overall
Linking Words
, number of the Japanese people travelling
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
abroad
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
increasing
Correct article usage
an increasing
show examples
 trend
except
Add the preposition
forexcept
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 a few months when data shows quite steady. Their
contibution
Correct your spelling
contribution
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 travelling in Australia is
also
Linking Words
 increased by year or year
whereas
Linking Words
 sharp
declined
Replace the word
decline
show examples
 in
couple
Change the article
a couple
show examples
 of years.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the total number of people
travelled
Wrong verb form
travelling
show examples
 from Japan was very low in 1985, with above 4
million
Use synonyms
,
however
Linking Words
, it has been increased gradually till 1990 and reached around 10.5
million
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, there was marginal declined in 1991 but again increased in 1992 but
no
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
 much movement till 1993.
In contrast
Linking Words
, sharp rose in 1994 and 1995, with, around 14
million
Use synonyms
 and 15.75
million
Use synonyms
, respectively.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, their contribution
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 Australia was on an uptrend till 1988 and
sharp
Correct article usage
a sharp
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 fall
found
Add a missing verb
was found
show examples
 in 1989 but continue with the same upward trend till 1993.
However
Linking Words
, the number has come down drastically in 1994.
Submitted by kintans54 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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