IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people today are worried about young children using video games. What problems might these games cause for children and society as a whole? how could these problems be reduced?

#people #children #video #games #society
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With the advancement in technology, every generation has access to the internet. Youngsters,
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however
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,however
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 use it to play video games
instead
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 of using it to gain knowledge.
Thus
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, it affects their education and has some serious health
issues
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.
This
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 essay will explain these caused
issues
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along with
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 the potential measures to resolve
it
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them
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. Ironically enough, the increasing trend of video games
in
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among
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 youth makes them ignore their studies.
This
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 results in
lack
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a lack
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 of information about the surroundings which in turn
effects
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affects
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 the development of society.
Moreover
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, spending a significant amount of
time
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 sitting in front of
screen
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a screen
the screen
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 has some harmful effects on the human body,
for example
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, overweight, eye problems or mental health
issues
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.
For instance
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, a study
2020
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in 2020
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 shows that the cause of 70%
youngster’s
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of youngster’s
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 obesity is spending an excessive amount of
time
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 on electronic devices.
This
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 proves the fact that the
excess
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excessive
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 use of everything is harmful. Some solutions can be adopted to improve the situation. Parents should put a
time
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 limit on screen
time
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 of their children and
also
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 teach them to manage their
time
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 effectively. It is important to encourage sports as an extracurricular activity among teenagers by schools to increase physical activity.
This
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 will
also
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 reduce mental stress and refresh them to concentrate on their studies.
To conclude
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,
this
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 essay highlighted that the main
issues
Use synonyms
 caused by video games are the lack of knowledge gained and some serious health problems.
This
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 essay
also
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 presented the solutions that are teaching
time
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 management skills at
young
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a young
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 age and encouraging physical activity among them.
Submitted by manindermand28 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • screen time
  • interpersonal skills
  • violent content
  • academic performance
  • social isolation
  • family dynamics
  • educational campaigns
  • parental controls
  • alternative activities
  • content ratings
  • cognition
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