IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

#time #population #countries #adults #people #situation
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the contemporary world, the youngster population has far exceeded the elderly
people
Use synonyms
 in several places, it is highly common
in particular
Linking Words
countries
Use synonyms
 which are developed, in
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will detail why am I completely considering that the advantages outnumber the disadvantages. First of all, since our mother earth got more developed gradually, it is undoubtedly that our demands for manual labour are more than ever, Young adults increasing are able to tackle sort of these societal issues, and indeed growing the economy of regions. With sufficient young workers, lacking skilled labour will no longer exist, meanwhile, some
countries
Use synonyms
 are capable to build their infrastructures faster than others, if
people
Use synonyms
 can work more productively, the output of the
countries
Use synonyms
 will increase, which can contribute to economic growth.
In addition
Linking Words
, the youngster can significantly improve their creative thinking of the cities they lived in by delivering innovative ideas when the inhabitants who settle down in the same cities as them are exposed to a variety of knowledge,
people
Use synonyms
 nowadays got trapped in an obsolete mind which can’t help make progress of civilization whatsoever,
furthermore
Linking Words
,
such
Linking Words
 breadth of information may inspire them to connect unrelated elements together, contributing to some original ideas, eventually, their creative think skills will be enhanced in
this
Linking Words
 process. To put it in a nutshell, the plethora of young adults will help
countries
Use synonyms
 to become more flourishing, at least in
this
Linking Words
 generation for most of the regions worldwide, it is not only can address the labour shortage problems holistically, but
also
Linking Words
 render
people
Use synonyms
 being creative, in terms of that, I would strongly claim that advantages outrace the disadvantages.
Submitted by s0210116 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • innovation
  • skilled labor
  • social development
  • technology
  • dividend
  • competition
  • resources
  • social welfare
  • unrest
  • instability
  • healthcare
  • elderly care
What to do next:
Look at other essays: