IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age .punishment is necessary to help them learn the distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?. What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?

#children #difference #right #age #punishment #distinction #sort #parents #teachers #behaviour
Nowadays, it has become a hot debate about the issue
whether
Change preposition
of whether
show examples
parents
 should punish their
children
 in order to
nurturing
Change the verb
nurture
show examples
 them
distinguish
Fix the infinitive
to distinguish
show examples
 between correct and incorrect or not. I opine that
this
 attitude can be destructive for
children
 and some
arguement
Correct your spelling
argument
arguments
 surround my notion.
to begin
 with,
children
 especially those who are at an early
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
 are vulnerable.
parents
 must be cautious about their
childs'
Correct your spelling
child's
show examples
 feelings and they should handle with care to their
children
.
although
 sanctions are
must
Correct article usage
a must
show examples
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
acquire
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
the knowledge of
ettiquets
Correct your spelling
etiquette
etiquettes
 as regards, they should adopt a moderate way without any
scream
Replace the word
screaming
show examples
 or physical
damages
Fix the agreement mistake
damage
show examples
 to advert
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
any hurts to their
phsychos
Correct your spelling
psychos
.
for example
, surveys have shown that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
children
 with rigid
parents
 are most likely to offend crimes and rebel against rules in
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 adulthood.
furthurmore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, reprimand should be
construcive
Correct your spelling
constructive
constructed
 without having any long-term consequences on their mental health. to exemplify, supervisors can
legilslate
Correct your spelling
legislate
 some deprivation
as a result
 of doing some unforbidden tasks that they have determined before.
such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
exclusion
Correct article usage
the exclusion
show examples
 of playing video
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
as a result
 of indulging in playing.
in addition
, at school teachers should use encouragement methods to persuade students
doing
Change the verb form
to do
show examples
 affirmative tasks.
to sum up
, I reiterate that behaving with
children
 needs a high level of knowledge that
parents
 should acquire before they born a baby.
to
Change preposition
In
show examples
add
Replace the word
addition
show examples
, they have to be aware of
consequences
Correct article usage
the consequences
show examples
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
 training attitude with their
children
 to lessen its
side-effects
Correct your spelling
side effects
show examples
.
Submitted by majidimehrsa on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • punishment
  • positive reinforcement
  • consequences
  • time-outs
  • removal of privileges
  • open communication
  • clear expectations
  • consistency
  • fairness
  • disciplinary action
  • proportionate
  • moral values
  • internalization
What to do next:
Look at other essays: