Shops should not be allowed to sell any food or drink that have been scientifically proved to be bad for people's health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some
people
argue that most shops should not sell bad healthy
food
and drink. I agree with that. They should not sell them.
On the other hand
,
although
they are not proven to be healthy
foods
such
as coke ,
hamberger
Correct your spelling
hamburger
hamburgers
Hamberger
and pizza we can eat. They are not healthy
food
, But, a lot of
people
have it in the
wrold
Correct your spelling
world
at
Mcdonal's
Correct your spelling
McDonald's
, Burgerking and other shops. Business
people
and students of busy
people
eat them. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
they do not spend much time
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
eating. If the shops do not sell their
food
. A lot of
people
would have to spend more time
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
eating.
Also
, the
shop
's employees will
lost
Change the verb form
lose
be lost
show examples
a
Change the word
their
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
. The number of employees is very high.
However
, if the
food
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
to eat for
Correct article usage
a longtime
show examples
longtime
Correct your spelling
long time
show examples
. They will have many
deseass
Correct your spelling
diseases
.
As a result
, recently
people
have various
deseass
Correct your spelling
diseases
disease
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
than
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
past.That has been proven by science.
Also
, if The business
mans
Correct your spelling
men
show examples
and students have more time . They do not eat the
food
. Maybe, They will eat
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
healthy
food
. The
shop
owner should have
mind
Change preposition
in mind
show examples
that they
provied
Correct your spelling
provide
provided
good
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
foods
.
That is
the way of protecting
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
helth
Correct your spelling
health
. And if the
shop
Add a verb
isshop
wasshop
show examples
much more readily
avalable
Correct your spelling
available
by us. We will be able to eat more
safety
Replace the word
safely
show examples
and conveniently. Especially for kids. For the reasons mentioned above.I would agree with my opinion. Because,
although
people
can not always
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
eat
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
good
helthy
Correct your spelling
healthy
health
foods
, if the
foods
selling
shop
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
very much
even
Add the comma(s)
,even
show examples
more,
people
will have better health.
Submitted by moneekun on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: