IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040.

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040.
#information #percentage #population #four #asian #countries #cities #predictions
The line chart elucidates the
percentage
 of
total
Add an article
the total
show examples
population
 living in the cities in four different countries in Asia between 1970 and 2020 and
also
 the predictions for 10 to 20 years later in 2030 and 2040.
Overall
, it can be seen that the
population
 among four Asian countries witnessed an increase with expectations showing that it will incline dramatically. The
population
 in Malaysia is predicted to be the highest in 2040
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 those four countries,
whereas
 the lowest
percentage
 of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 in 2040 will be positioned by Thailand. In 1970, the
population
 in Malaysia stood at 30% and doubled over the next 30 years to level off at 40%. Since
then
, it has experienced a considerable increase and is expected to reach 80% in 2030 and 85% in 2040. Moving to Indonesia, the
population
 began at only 14% in the initial year but it went up to 50% in 2020. It is estimated that the proportion of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 will rise considerably to 60% in 2040. The figure for
population
Add an article
the population
a population
show examples
 in
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
 started at well above 30% in 1970
then
 rose to 75% during the following 50 years.
Population
Correct article usage
The population
show examples
 in the Philippines is expected to experience an uplift in 2030 and 2040 until it reaches a peak at 55%. Meanwhile, the
percentage
 of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 in Thailand in 1970 was around 19% and increased to 30% in 1990.
However
, it remained constant until 2020. It is expected that the
percentage
 of
Correct article usage
the populations
show examples
populations
Fix the agreement mistake
population
show examples
 will soar to 45%
at the end
 of
period
Add an article
the period
a period
show examples
Submitted by nailyadniya9 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, population with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "considerable" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • graph
  • percentage
  • population
  • Asian countries
  • living in cities
  • 1970
  • 2020
  • predictions
  • 2030
  • 2040
  • introduction
  • overview
  • trend
  • body paragraph
  • compare
  • predicted percentages
  • summarize
  • closing statement
What to do next:
Look at other essays: