It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

In a sophisticated world, people are often cautious about exposing their personal and financial lives.

However

, taking risks can be significant for improving their

overall

well-being. Despite the potential benefits, various issues can arise, which I will discuss below.

Finally

, I will offer my perspective on whether the advantages outweigh the drawbacks. Examining the positive aspects more closely, purchasing their own house using their savings can enhance their lifestyle compared to living in a rented house and paying monthly rent.

This

progress can lead to a more peaceful lifestyle and the freedom to do whatever they want without disturbances.

Furthermore

, starting new businesses or projects can

also

improve their lifestyle.

For example

, Elon Musk failed six times in his rocket science investments before succeeding on his seventh attempt. Now, he is the richest man in the world. On the flip side, people may take a risk in buying a new house by borrowing from banks.

Subsequently

, they can struggle to pay taxes, leading to stress and anxiety. In some cases,

this

financial burden can even lead to suicide. In India, more than 20

percent

Change the spelling

per cent

show examples

of people make wrong choices

due to

their affordability.

To conclude

, despite the drawbacks, the advantages of taking risks often outweigh the disadvantages in significant ways. Adventurous individuals have the potential to make history and achieve remarkable accomplishments.

Submitted by krishmahendran19 on Mon Aug 14 2023

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Introduction & Conclusion

Ensure that your introduction clearly addresses the question and outlines your viewpoint. Your conclusion should also restate your position and summarise the key points made in the essay to enhance your introduction and conclusion.

Clarity & Comprehensiveness

Focus on developing clear and comprehensive ideas through the use of more varied sentence structures and transitions between paragraphs. This could involve explicitly stating how each point supports your argument to increase the clarity of your ideas.

Logical structure

To increase coherence, make sure your essay follows a logical structure. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and subsequent sentences should expand on that idea with examples or explanations.

Specific examples

Incorporate a wider variety of specific examples to support your points. While the example of Elon Musk is good, adding more examples from different areas or aspects can strengthen your argument.

Task Response

Try to address the essay topic more directly in the introduction and throughout the essay. Clearly state if you believe the advantages outweigh the disadvantages and ensure your body paragraphs support this stance.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

222 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Opportunities
Growth
Innovation
Challenges
Self-discovery
Resilience
Uncertainty
Consequences
Calculated risks
Stagnation
Regret
Comfort zone
Entrepreneurship
Adventurous spirit
Thriving
Failure
Mitigate
Reap the rewards

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It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

More and more young people use the Internet to socialise. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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