n some countries young people have little leisure time and under a lot of pressure to work hard in their studies. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

Undoubtedly, developing nations tend to have a tough
education
system for their young
students
would be left with minimum
time
to pursue their hobby.
Therefore
, better
education
comes with liabilities where stress in
this
situation is pretty common. For
this
, the essay will examine both of the prospects of
this
fundamental. The introduction of new courses and learning patterns in every field of study now has become a major concern, which would determine several crucial factors in
students
, livelihood.
However
, competition among the other
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
to achieve first string has a significant breakthrough in youngster life,
whereas
pressure on working and the environment to achieve significant goals had put people in a dilemma.
Where many
Rephrase
Many
show examples
of us were left with barely minimum
time
for ourselves to follow hobby even doing free activities which would
give
Verb problem
put
show examples
us under pressure at work. New
education
policy and a hard
time
studying after a long COVID-19 lockdown break could be the main problem of
this
prospect.
For example
,
students
of the current generation have a
facing
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
hard
time
following their
left out
Verb problem
apply
show examples
education
and long holiday break should be the cost of it which
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
left us with a pending workload. At the same ,
time
it’s pleasantly reasonable for less
time
for leisure activities.
On the other hand
, it is important to schedule a working environment for
students
where they could have enough
time
for themselves too.
For instance
, western countries have been the major focus point of
this
complication because
men
Correct your spelling
male
show examples
students
would have to work part-
time
on campus to earn extra bucks, which will help them to pay their tuition debt. but in the
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
end they will receive simultaneous pressure from the working environment, and
then
they
would
Wrong verb form
will be
show examples
left with little
time
for themselves.
In addition
, optimising both work and life balance is a crucial part of young
students
' lives, even though the educational institute should follow pragmatic ways to provide
education
for young people
yet
Rephrase
apply
show examples
it will be
time
-saving too.
To conclude
, there is no doubt
about modernise
Change preposition
that modernised
show examples
education
system is having a hard
time
for young pupils and constant mental straight have been seen at in normal rate. In my opinion, a detailed plan for regular routine would help to solve
this
dilemma.
Submitted by user349953 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Improve logical connection between sentences and paragraphs for better coherence and cohesion.
task response
More detailed examples and specific ideas are needed to support the main points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: