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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Should parents be obliged to immunize thier children against childhood diseases? Or do individuals have the right to choose not to immunise their children?

#parents #immunize #thier #children #childhood #diseases #individuals #right #immunise
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As medical science advances, many countries have mandated infants and young
children
 to be vaccinated in order to have immunity against certain diseases.
On the other hand
, there is
minority
Correct article usage
a minority
show examples
 voice advocating for
parents
 to have the
rights
Fix the agreement mistake
right
show examples
 to decide if their
children
 will receive
vaccination
. Personally, I believe in
parents
 should be in the driving seat when it comes to getting their
children
 vaccinated. It is undeniable that
vaccination
 has helped many
children
 to avoid diseases
such
 as Polio, Measles, etc. Since a baby is born, they will be receiving multiple injections until they turn adult. Despite
vaccination
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
to boost immunity, there are cases whereby
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 behaviour completely changed after the
vaccination
 or even became autistic. These are believed to be correlated to poor vaccine quality. Amidst all the concerns, the law mandated
parents
 to have their
children
 vaccinated.
This
 is rather inappropriate as
parents
 who gave birth to their
children
 ought to be able to make
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
 for their
children
instead
 of the government. Knowing
vaccine
Fix the agreement mistake
vaccines
show examples
 could potentially harm their
children
 with irreversible side effects but unable to do anything can be harsh to
parents
. In terms of population,
vaccination
 is effective in preventing certain diseases from spreading.
However
, considering
vaccination
 can be harmful to certain individuals and the impacts can be
long term
Add a hyphen
long-term
show examples
, innocent ones are being sacrificed for the greater benefits. A country’s national health guideline can outline what is recommended for young
children
 but it should not be enforced. In summary, government or doctor plays the advisory role when it comes to
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
vaccination
. But the
rights
Fix the agreement mistake
right
show examples
 to decide is with
parents
.
Submitted by kanchanakularathna1991 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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