IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Should parents be obliged to immunize thier children against childhood diseases? Or do individuals have the right to choose not to immunise their children?

#parents #immunize #thier #children #childhood #diseases #individuals #right #immunise
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As medical science advances, many countries have mandated infants and young
children
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 to be vaccinated in order to have immunity against certain diseases.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there is
minority
Correct article usage
a minority
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 voice advocating for
parents
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 to have the
rights
Fix the agreement mistake
right
show examples
 to decide if their
children
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 will receive
vaccination
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. Personally, I believe in
parents
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 should be in the driving seat when it comes to getting their
children
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 vaccinated. It is undeniable that
vaccination
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 has helped many
children
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 to avoid diseases
such
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 as Polio, Measles, etc. Since a baby is born, they will be receiving multiple injections until they turn adult. Despite
vaccination
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is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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to boost immunity, there are cases whereby
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children
Change noun form
children's
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 behaviour completely changed after the
vaccination
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 or even became autistic. These are believed to be correlated to poor vaccine quality. Amidst all the concerns, the law mandated
parents
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 to have their
children
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 vaccinated.
This
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 is rather inappropriate as
parents
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 who gave birth to their
children
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 ought to be able to make
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
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 for their
children
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instead
Linking Words
 of the government. Knowing
vaccine
Fix the agreement mistake
vaccines
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 could potentially harm their
children
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 with irreversible side effects but unable to do anything can be harsh to
parents
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. In terms of population,
vaccination
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 is effective in preventing certain diseases from spreading.
However
Linking Words
, considering
vaccination
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 can be harmful to certain individuals and the impacts can be
long term
Add a hyphen
long-term
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, innocent ones are being sacrificed for the greater benefits. A country’s national health guideline can outline what is recommended for young
children
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 but it should not be enforced. In summary, government or doctor plays the advisory role when it comes to
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children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
vaccination
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. But the
rights
Fix the agreement mistake
right
show examples
 to decide is with
parents
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by kanchanakularathna1991 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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