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Band 5

Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is not fair. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

#sports #professionals #money #people #professions
It is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 fact, that most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sports
 specialists earn large
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 of money compared to other
people
 doing different jobs. Some
people
 think that these
Sports
official
Fix the agreement mistake
officials
show examples
 deserve that mount
while
 others think oppositely. I, personally favour the latter stance. On the one side, those
people
 who think that
people
 who play are related to any
sports
 activity deserve
huge
Correct article usage
a huge
show examples
amount
, because they are
Add an article
the pride
show examples
pride
Replace the word
proud
show examples
 of
nation
Add an article
the nation
show examples
 and represent
whole
Add an article
the whole
show examples
 nation
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 certain
sports
 activity.
Along with
 that,these
sports
person
Change the determiner
people
show examples
 win medals for the country so they have the right to earn that much
amount
. On the other side, those who
opposes
Change the verb form
oppose
show examples
above
Correct article usage
the above
show examples
 action
thing
Correct your spelling
think
show examples
 that there are other
heard
Correct your spelling
hard
show examples
 workers who
work
 in different Government and in private offices and earn
very
Add an article
a very
show examples
 small
amount
 of money.
Scientist
Fix the agreement mistake
Scientists
show examples
 who discover innovative
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
show examples
 and have brilliant
contribution
Fix the agreement mistake
contributions
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the field of medicine, need
same
Add an article
the same
show examples
 attention and
same
Add an article
the same
show examples
amount
 to be paid for their
work
. For me, I think we should promote equality among
professional
Fix the agreement mistake
professionals
show examples
 working in different sectors about the salaries specially. They are all hard workers and their aim is always to serve their country. So they should be paid equally.
For
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 if we look at the
work
 of
Doctor
Fix the agreement mistake
Doctors
show examples
, they
work
 day and night and under different critical circumstances to treat patients.
Similarly
, a military person
lose
Change the verb form
loses
show examples
 his/her life to save his
country man
Correct your spelling
countryman
show examples
. So they all deserve equal salaries.
To conclude
all
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, it is fair for some
people
 that
sports
 professional to get
high
Add an article
the high
a high
show examples
amount
 for their
work
while
 others think it is unfair to other professionals. I
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 agree with the letter one.
Submitted by msohaibkhan97 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial remuneration
  • exceptional
  • merit
  • talent
  • demand
  • entertainment value
  • career span
  • physical demands
  • justified
  • unfair
  • criticism
  • income inequality
  • societal priorities
  • sportsmanship
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