IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is not fair. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

#sports #professionals #money #people #professions
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It is
the
Correct article usage
a
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 fact, that most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sports
Use synonyms
 specialists earn large
Use synonyms
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
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 of money compared to other
people
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 doing different jobs. Some
people
Use synonyms
 think that these
Sports
Use synonyms
official
Fix the agreement mistake
officials
show examples
 deserve that mount
while
Linking Words
 others think oppositely. I, personally favour the latter stance. On the one side, those
people
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 who think that
people
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 who play are related to any
sports
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 activity deserve
huge
Correct article usage
a huge
show examples
amount
Use synonyms
, because they are
Add an article
the pride
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pride
Replace the word
proud
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 of
nation
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the nation
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 and represent
whole
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the whole
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 nation
at
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in
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 certain
sports
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 activity.
Along with
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 that,these
sports
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person
Change the determiner
people
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 win medals for the country so they have the right to earn that much
amount
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. On the other side, those who
opposes
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oppose
show examples
above
Correct article usage
the above
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 action
thing
Correct your spelling
think
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 that there are other
heard
Correct your spelling
hard
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 workers who
work
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 in different Government and in private offices and earn
very
Add an article
a very
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 small
amount
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 of money.
Scientist
Fix the agreement mistake
Scientists
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 who discover innovative
thing
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things
show examples
 and have brilliant
contribution
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contributions
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the field of medicine, need
same
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the same
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 attention and
same
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the same
show examples
amount
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 to be paid for their
work
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. For me, I think we should promote equality among
professional
Fix the agreement mistake
professionals
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 working in different sectors about the salaries specially. They are all hard workers and their aim is always to serve their country. So they should be paid equally.
For
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example
Add a comma
,example
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 if we look at the
work
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 of
Doctor
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Doctors
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, they
work
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 day and night and under different critical circumstances to treat patients.
Similarly
Linking Words
, a military person
lose
Change the verb form
loses
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 his/her life to save his
country man
Correct your spelling
countryman
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. So they all deserve equal salaries.
To conclude
Linking Words
all
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, it is fair for some
people
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 that
sports
Use synonyms
 professional to get
high
Add an article
the high
a high
show examples
amount
Use synonyms
 for their
work
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 others think it is unfair to other professionals. I
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 agree with the letter one.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial remuneration
  • exceptional
  • merit
  • talent
  • demand
  • entertainment value
  • career span
  • physical demands
  • justified
  • unfair
  • criticism
  • income inequality
  • societal priorities
  • sportsmanship
What to do next:
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