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Band 4

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before some people say an aging population creates problems for governments other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people to what extent do the advantages of having an agent population outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #people #population #governments #society #agent
In many
countries
Add a comma
,countries
show examples
 the population of old
people
 has been
increased
Wrong verb form
increasing
show examples
 recently some
people
 believe that
Correct article usage
the aging
show examples
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
 population could cause. Some problems
for
Add a missing verb
are for
show examples
 governments but
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others assume that all
people
 could be beneficial to
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
society
. Old
people
 in a
society
 could be
able
Add an article
an able
show examples
 significant source of experiences, so
employee
Add an article
an employee
show examples
 of the experiences
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 young
people
 could
be act
Change the verb form
act
show examples
 as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
university
people
 who
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 done many effective achievements during daily life
could
Correct word choice
and could
show examples
 contribute their knowledge
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
development
Add an article
the development
show examples
 of the
society
. Many young
people
 could be able to make
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
suitable communication with elder
people
 and use their valuable ideas which have been gained sometimes hardly.
Therefore
, young adults could choose a convenient way in their life by means of their
grandparents
Change to a genitive case
grandparent's
grandparents'
show examples
 experiences. So, it could be a beneficial
opportunities
Correct the article-noun agreement
opportunity
show examples
 for young individuals to use the elder
people
's valuable achievements to improve their own future.
As other
Change preposition
Other
show examples
 reason,
existence
Add an article
the existence
show examples
 of old
people
 in
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
society
 could indicate their essential role, and it could be a clue for Youngs
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 could be old to continue their achievements hopefully. In the strengths of
this
 reason,
people
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 been motivated to work and act because they could imagine a horizon for themselves when they know and
society
 is consideration to old
people
. Paying attention to
people
 who
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 retired could lead
a
Change preposition
to a
show examples
very important motivation
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 young
people
 and encourage them to take on. I agree with
this
 statement. In
conclusion
Add a comma
,conclusion
show examples
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
 population have some advantages to
society
 because they could be a very crucial source of experience for the others
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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