IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think government should ban dangerous sports, while others think it is people’s freedom to do whatever sports activities they choose . Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #government #ban #sports #people’s #freedom #activities
It is a matter of debate whether authorities should be strict enough against perilous
sports
 or
participants
Correct word choice
whether participants
show examples
 should be given
liberty
Correct article usage
the liberty
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 to choose any game they like.
While
 some
people
 are in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
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 of giving
right
Fix the agreement mistake
rights
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 regarding the choice of
sports
, I believe that brutal
sports
 that glorify violence should be banned completely. On the one hand, certain factors justify
people
’s
opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
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 regarding the freedom
for
Change preposition
of
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 these
games
.
Firstly
, these
risk intensive
Add a hyphen
risk-intensive
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 hobbies are thrilling and exciting which provide a level of excitement with momentary pleasure to the
people
 who perform them.
Moreover
, by playing them they can even conquer their fear too.
Secondly
, laws banning these unsafe
sports
 can face strong
objection
Fix the agreement mistake
objections
show examples
 from individuals who are involved directly or indirectly in these
games
 as they are dependent upon these for their financial needs and family circumstances.
Finally
, they act as an important component of tourism by attracting thousands of
people
 .
For
example
Add a comma
example,
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kick boxing
Correct your spelling
kickboxing
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 is played at
national
Correct article usage
the national
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 level in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
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 and has a huge fan following over there.
On the other hand
, I assert that
state
Correct article usage
the state
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 should take strict action against these
games
due to
Change preposition
for
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the following reasons. First and foremost,
its
Correct your spelling
it is
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government’s
Correct article usage
the government’s
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 responsibility to protect its public from any kind of mishappening so they can ensure public safety by imposing a ban on
such
 kind of hazardous
games
.
Furthermore
, it
demoralize
Change the verb form
demoralizes
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 others to take part and gives
Add an article
a
the
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poor message to children who always tend to imitate the ones who are performing these challenging
games
 and by doing so they can get distracted from their original aim in life.
Last
 but not
the
Correct article usage
apply
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least,
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
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 of adventurous
sports
also
 bring tragedies which results
into
Change preposition
in
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 fatal accidents and players
as well as
 spectators may
loose
Correct your spelling
lose
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 their precious lives. In conclusion , no doubt one part of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society
criticize
Change the verb form
criticizes
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 the interference of
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 for taking part in any activity which
people
 like ,
however
Add the comma(s)
however,
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 I feel that considering the safety of
Add an article
the
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public , these should totally be prohibited.
Submitted by islam_biologist on

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Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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