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The personal information of many individuals is held by large internet companies and organizations. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? Thesis statement: Disadvantages outweigh advantages

#information #individuals #internet #companies #organizations #outweigh #thesis
Private
information
 of
people
requires
Wrong verb form
is required
show examples
 in every sector of life and several
organization
Fix the agreement mistake
organizations
show examples
such
 as telecommunication
companies
 and
others
. Sometimes controversy arises regarding
this
 issue which makes the public reluctant to share private
information
 with
others
.
Although
 there are obviously some risks of sharing particulars with
others
 who are not family members, I personally believe that the advantages never outweigh the disadvantages. To start with, it is undeniable that to enrol in several public services
such
 as banking, social services or internet
companies
,
personal
Correct article usage
the personal
show examples
information
 of the client is essential. It helps the
service
 professionals to assess the
information
 and requirements of clients properly and provide them with proper
service
. In the case of telecommunication
companies
,
for example
, if the particulars of the client are provided, the company could provide appropriate
service
 offers
according to
 the needs and choices of the clients.
Moreover
, those shared personal
information
 in case of an emergency would help significantly.
For instance
, if a specific person is missing or involved in any crime, police could collect
information
 from that organization and take action. In
this
 regard, private
information
 helps in the cases of providing proper
service
 and emergencies.
Conversely
, some masses are against the thought of sharing private
information
 because they believe that they are confidential. Sometimes those organizations breach the confidentiality of
people
 by leaking that
information
 to
others
.
For example
, in Bangladesh, organizations are not
much
Rephrase
very
show examples
 committed to the privacy of
people
 which sometimes leads to danger because unauthorised
people
 are accessing
those
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
personal
information
 and set them in danger.
Therefore
,
people
 especially women are now hesitating to share their
information
 with
companies
.
To conclude
, personal
information
 and a person's security and well-being are involved
however
, it is not always possible to keep them private because they are necessary for accessing services.
But
Correct word choice
However
show examples
 the drawbacks will never outweigh the benefits if the
companies
 properly maintain their commitments of confidentiality.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion should be more clearly presented to better frame the essay.
task achievement
The response addresses the task but could provide a more balanced discussion of both the advantages and disadvantages.
lexical resource
A wider range of vocabulary and more varied sentence structures should be utilized to enhance the lexical resource.
grammatical range
The grammatical range and accuracy need improvement. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, article usage, and sentence structure.
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