The personal information of many individuals is held by large internet companies and organizations. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? Thesis statement: Disadvantages outweigh advantages

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Private
information
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of
people
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requires
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is required
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in every sector of life and several
organization
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organizations
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such
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as telecommunication
companies
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and
others
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. Sometimes controversy arises regarding
this
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issue which makes the public reluctant to share private
information
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with
others
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.
Although
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there are obviously some risks of sharing particulars with
others
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who are not family members, I personally believe that the advantages never outweigh the disadvantages. To start with, it is undeniable that to enrol in several public services
such
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as banking, social services or internet
companies
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,
personal
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the personal
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information
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of the client is essential. It helps the
service
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professionals to assess the
information
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and requirements of clients properly and provide them with proper
service
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. In the case of telecommunication
companies
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,
for example
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, if the particulars of the client are provided, the company could provide appropriate
service
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offers
according to
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the needs and choices of the clients.
Moreover
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, those shared personal
information
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in case of an emergency would help significantly.
For instance
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, if a specific person is missing or involved in any crime, police could collect
information
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from that organization and take action. In
this
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regard, private
information
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helps in the cases of providing proper
service
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and emergencies.
Conversely
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, some masses are against the thought of sharing private
information
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because they believe that they are confidential. Sometimes those organizations breach the confidentiality of
people
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by leaking that
information
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to
others
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.
For example
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, in Bangladesh, organizations are not
much
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very
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committed to the privacy of
people
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which sometimes leads to danger because unauthorised
people
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are accessing
those
Correct determiner usage
apply
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personal
information
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and set them in danger.
Therefore
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,
people
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especially women are now hesitating to share their
information
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with
companies
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.
To conclude
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, personal
information
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and a person's security and well-being are involved
however
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, it is not always possible to keep them private because they are necessary for accessing services.
But
Correct word choice
However
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the drawbacks will never outweigh the benefits if the
companies
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properly maintain their commitments of confidentiality.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion should be more clearly presented to better frame the essay.
task achievement
The response addresses the task but could provide a more balanced discussion of both the advantages and disadvantages.
lexical resource
A wider range of vocabulary and more varied sentence structures should be utilized to enhance the lexical resource.
grammatical range
The grammatical range and accuracy need improvement. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, article usage, and sentence structure.
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