“The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the healthcare system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?”

Food and beverages that are produced are getting more and more unhealthy.
This
phenomenon leads to an increasing number of fat people which concerns many doctors and healthcare experts. Some say that the most possible method to solve
this
problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in schools. I strongly agree with the statement and
this
essay will provide some reasons related to it. Consuming too
much
Change the quantifier
many
show examples
carbohydrates is one of many causes that
leads
Correct subject-verb agreement
lead
show examples
to countless diseases.
For example
, diabetes is an ailment
that is
caused by eating lots of sugar. In most cases,
this
health issue is suffered by overweight people.
In addition
, diabetes is capable of preventing wounds from healing and making your body vulnerable to other diseases, and
finally
, it kills you slowly from the inside. In short,
this
ailment can not be considered insignificant
due to
the terrifying
consequence
Fix the agreement mistake
consequences
show examples
.
However
, there are many ways to avoid getting overweight.
For instance
, introducing more physical activities that are interesting and can be done easily. If one can not change their diet to a healthier one,
then
they should spend more time exercising. Exercising is, in fact, able to burn unhealthy lipids that are toxic,
hence
, making our bodies slimmer and fitter than they were ever before.
To conclude
, physical exercises have to be introduced to youngsters in order to raise awareness of their bodies. In conclusion, there are many consequences of eating diets that are not properly served based on nutrition. I strongly agree that involving some sports or other types of activities is thought as the best way to overcome
this
difficult situation.
Submitted by twiggseducationbdg on

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Coherence and cohesion
Provide a clear position on the issue in the introduction to guide the reader effectively.
Coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that summarize the key points effectively.
Lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary and collocations to express ideas and reduce repetition.
Grammatical range
Work on using a wider variety of complex sentence structures to demonstrate control of grammar.

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