“The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the healthcare system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?”

#“the #people #strain #healthcare #system #effort #health #education #lessons #school #curriculum

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Food and beverages that are produced are getting more and more unhealthy.

This

phenomenon leads to an increasing number of fat people which concerns many doctors and healthcare experts. Some say that the most possible method to solve

this

problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in schools. I strongly agree with the statement and

this

essay will provide some reasons related to it. Consuming too

much

Change the quantifier

many

show examples

carbohydrates is one of many causes that

leads

Correct subject-verb agreement

lead

show examples

to countless diseases.

For example

, diabetes is an ailment

that is

caused by eating lots of sugar. In most cases,

this

health issue is suffered by overweight people.

In addition

, diabetes is capable of preventing wounds from healing and making your body vulnerable to other diseases, and

finally

, it kills you slowly from the inside. In short,

this

ailment can not be considered insignificant

due to

the terrifying

consequence

Fix the agreement mistake

consequences

show examples

However

, there are many ways to avoid getting overweight.

For instance

, introducing more physical activities that are interesting and can be done easily. If one can not change their diet to a healthier one,

then

they should spend more time exercising. Exercising is, in fact, able to burn unhealthy lipids that are toxic,

hence

, making our bodies slimmer and fitter than they were ever before.

To conclude

, physical exercises have to be introduced to youngsters in order to raise awareness of their bodies. In conclusion, there are many consequences of eating diets that are not properly served based on nutrition. I strongly agree that involving some sports or other types of activities is thought as the best way to overcome

this

difficult situation.

Submitted by twiggseducationbdg on Wed Aug 16 2023

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Coherence and cohesion

Provide a clear position on the issue in the introduction to guide the reader effectively.

Coherence and cohesion

Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that summarize the key points effectively.

Lexical resource

Use a wider range of vocabulary and collocations to express ideas and reduce repetition.

Grammatical range

Work on using a wider variety of complex sentence structures to demonstrate control of grammar.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

268 words

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