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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In some countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that it is the responsibility of the government to solve the problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In some countries, more and more
children
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 are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people believe that it is the government’s responsibility to solve
this
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 problem. I agree to some extent, but I
also
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 think that
parents
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,
schools
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, and society must
also
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 take responsibility. On one hand, the government can take strong actions to help improve
children
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’s health.
For example
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, they can make rules about the food sold in
schools
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, banning junk food and soft drinks. They can
also
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 provide healthy school lunches with fruits, vegetables, and balanced meals. Another way the government can help is by building parks, playgrounds, and sports
centers
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centres
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 where
children
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 can play and exercise safely.
In addition
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, they can run national campaigns to educate families about healthy eating, exercise, and the dangers of obesity.
On the other hand
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,
parents
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 are the first teachers in a child’s life, so they must
also
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 teach their
children
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 how to eat well and stay active. If
parents
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 buy too much fast food or let
children
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 watch TV or play video games for hours, the
children
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 will not learn healthy habits.
Schools
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also
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 play an important role. Teachers can organize regular physical education classes and explain how to live a healthy life in health or science lessons. In conclusion, I believe that the government can and should help fight the problem of overweight and unhealthy
children
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 by creating laws and supporting healthy programs.
However
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,
parents
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 and
schools
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also
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 have an important role in teaching and encouraging healthy lifestyles. Only by working together can we solve
this
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 growing problem.

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task achievement
Consider elaborating more on how the government's role specifically impacts children's health, perhaps by adding statistics or examples from specific countries.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure clearer transitions between paragraphs to strengthen the flow of ideas. For example, using phrases like 'Moreover' or 'In addition' can enhance coherence.
task achievement
While the examples provided are good, integrating more detailed examples or personal anecdotes may enrich your arguments further and provide clearer relevance.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which orientates the reader well.
task achievement
You have successfully captured the dual responsibility of government and parents, which is a nuanced perspective that adds depth to your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity epidemic
  • public health policies
  • nutritional education
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • healthcare costs
  • junk food advertisements
  • dietary habits
  • physical activity
  • grassroots movements
  • community initiatives
  • subsidies
  • socioeconomic status
  • holistic approach
  • government intervention
  • parental responsibility
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