IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many people feel it is a waste of money to try to save endangered animal species, for example the tiger or the blue whale. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Introduction
Because the majority of people around the world are unconcerned about the environment, its health, and well-being, fauna and flora are facing serious problems. When it comes to
animals
Use synonyms
, it is known that some species are listed in the Red Book.
This
Linking Words
 means they have become endangered
due to
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 human greed. Many people feel it is a waste of money to try to save endangered species, but I do not think so. From my perspective, it is our duty to take care of the environment.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
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, fauna helps sustain our health.
For example
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, cows give us milk. From it, we can produce cheese, sour cream, grass-fed butter, and so on. It is a great source of protein and calcium, which help us grow, maintain healthy bones, and build muscles. The expression, "You scratch my back, and I'll scratch yours," refers to the relationship between humans and
animals
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.
While
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 we take care of them, they take care of us.
Body paragraph 2
Moreover
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, ocean creatures contribute to the balance of the marine ecosystem. I would like to use the blue whale as an example. Its role is to absorb CO₂ and help maintain the balance of the ecosystem. Because humans cannot breathe without oxygen, we should be grateful and stop throwing garbage into oceans, lakes, rivers, and seas.
Also
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, by maintaining a good relationship with sea creatures, life would become much more
colorful
Change the spelling
colourful
show examples
.
Body paragraph 3
In addition
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,
animals
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 have something special. From my experience, having a cat in our home was the greatest decision ever because he healed many unseen traumas, became the best replacement for social media, and helped my family forget about negative things. Sadly, my cat died, but from that moment, I understood how important he had been. He healed us in a way that no psychologist could ever have.
Conclusion
In conclusion, it is a waste of money to be unconcerned about endangered
animals
Use synonyms
 because they help us become healthier by supporting our mental health and contributing to the balance of nature.

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task response
Focus more closely on endangered animals, not animals in general. The cow and your pet cat are not strong examples for this question. Use the tiger, blue whale, or other animals at risk.
task response
Explain more clearly why money spent on saving these animals is not wasted. For example, say that saving whales can help keep sea life in balance, and saving tigers can help protect forests.
task response
Some ideas need more care. The line about animals helping us “become healthier” is too broad. Show exactly how one endangered animal helps people or nature.
task response
Your cat story is warm and personal, but it takes space away from the main question. A stronger example would be about how losing one species can harm many other animals and people.
coherence and cohesion
Make the link between each paragraph and your main view more direct. Start body parts with clear topic lines, such as: “Saving endangered species protects the natural world that people need.”
coherence and cohesion
The second body part moves from blue whales to garbage and then to life becoming “more colorful”. These ideas do not fully fit together. Keep one clear line: whales, sea balance, and why this is worth public money.
coherence and cohesion
Your ending should repeat your main reasons in a more exact way. Do not say it is a waste of money to be unconcerned, because the question is about whether saving animals is a waste of money.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple links that show cause and result, such as “As a result”, “This means”, and “For this reason”. This will make the flow between ideas smoother.
task response
You make your view clear at the start and keep it through the essay: saving endangered animals is important.
task response
You give more than one reason, such as food, the sea, nature, and mental health. This gives your answer a good range.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, three body parts, and an ending. Words such as “Firstly”, “Moreover”, and “In addition” help the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Most paragraphs have one main idea and include an example, which makes the writing easy to understand.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • endangered species
  • biodiversity
  • intrinsic value
  • existential threat
  • ecosystem
  • conservation
  • economic benefits
  • funding allocation
  • competing needs
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