IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The rise of convenience food has helped people keep up with the speed of modern lifestyle. Do the advantages outweighs the disadvantages.

#rise #convenience #food #people #lifestyle
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In the
last
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 few decades, fast
food
Use synonyms
 has
occurred
Verb problem
become
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 mainstream in many societies,most notably in Western countries.Some people think that convenience foods are helped to live the modern lifestyle.
This
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 essay will examine the advantages and disadvantages of fast meals and provide a logical conclusion. Admittedly,there are some benefits related to
this
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 issue as an economy and spend less time.The first advantage of
this
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 would be the economy;simply because of the cost,not everyone can purchase an expensive traditional meal
such
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 as pasta,English breakfast and meatloaf which in the current century are worth a large amount of money.So
this
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 way,many people have preferred to acquire fast
food
Use synonyms
 namely hamburgers, French fries and instant noodles,which cost a little money.Another benefit is that
this
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 type of meal is considerably comfortable and quick in regular life.
For instance
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,at work or study, we do not have enough time for lunch or breakfast and
then
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 we can easily buy instant
food
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 which makes it very fast.In
such
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 a way,we can not only save money but
also
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 waste less time on meals.
On the other hand
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,I believe that the drawbacks are more significant than the benefits.
Firstly
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, the fast dish is essentially more detrimental to a daily intake than a healthy diet a result which has entailed serious health problems.
As scientists
Correct word choice
Scientists
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 show that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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foods
such
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 as
the
Correct article usage
apply
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hamburger
Fix the agreement mistake
hamburgers
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,fried chicken and hotdogs
are contained
Wrong verb form
contain
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 incredibly high
fat
Fix the agreement mistake
fats
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 and salt which are responsible for
such
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 ailments as obesity and heart disease.
Secondly
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,some fast
food
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 centres deliberately attempt to attract children in order to reshape their future diets.One perhaps good example of
this
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 is the character Ronald Mcdonald,the bright clothes and smile of the Mcdonalds clowns are a beacon to the children.Having grown up eating in
Mcdonald's
Correct your spelling
McDonald's
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 restaurants,people are likely to continue consuming there throughout their adult lives.
To conclude
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,
although
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 convenience dish has certain positive effects on the economy and easy life,it is an extremely negative influence on human health and the future of children.In my opinion,I believe that the drawbacks outweigh its benefits.
Submitted by abay.alikhan07 on

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task response
Your essay demonstrates a reasonable understanding of the topic and provides both advantages and disadvantages of convenience food. However, your points could be more fully developed and supported with deeper analysis.
coherence and cohesion
You have included an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is good. However, you could improve the logical flow of your ideas and ensure that your paragraphs are connected more cohesively.
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