IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Topic: More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people suggest that the solution to this problem is to increase the price of fattening foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#topic #people #price #foods
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One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 youngsters
preferring
Wrong verb form
prefer
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enormous
Change the article
an enormous
the enormous
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 number of fast
food
Use synonyms
 which is very dangerous for their health. Now
peopleare
Correct your spelling
people are
 beginning to realize that, many civilians suffering from being overweight and becoming more and more careless regarding their
heaalth
Correct your spelling
health
. Personally, I partially agree with the notion. The reasons
of
Change preposition
for
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 my agreement are expanding in the following paragraphs.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it is well known that citizens who are living in rural areas
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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mostly prefer fattening
foods
Use synonyms
 because they do not have enough knowledge about health problems which causes them by eating fast
food
Use synonyms
. What I mean here is that, if the
prices
Use synonyms
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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fattening
foods
Use synonyms
 are increased in the rural areas
then
Linking Words
 to some extent people are moving towards healthy
food
Use synonyms
cause
Correct word choice
because
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 they do not have higher paid salary jobs. A good case in point is to rise up
prices
Use synonyms
 for the most popular fattening
foods
Use synonyms
such
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 as pizzas, burgers,
sandwiches
Correct word choice
and sandwiches
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 because it is an effective way to reduce selling
such
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food
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
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, it can
also
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 be argued that people with
overweght
Correct your spelling
overweight
 body are just
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
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 not have
ehough
Correct your spelling
enough
 motivation to do some sport for their own future.
That is
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 to
say
Add a comma
,say
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 not everyone can afford enough money for
themselfs
Correct your spelling
themselves
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 to do some sports. Take
for example
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 one of the
simpliest
Correct your spelling
simplest
way
Change to a plural noun
ways
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 to reach our goal is just we need to reduce
prices
Use synonyms
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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gym membership which
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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can grow up their motivation. In conclusion, taking everything mentioned into account in our final analysis we can say that there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 a lot of ways to solve
this
Linking Words
 global problem.
Hence
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, I
am agree
Change the verb form
agree
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 with the idea
about
Change preposition
of
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 increasing the
prices
Use synonyms
 of fast
Use synonyms
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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