It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is believed that could be more
essencial
for young learners to have knowledge about neighbour Correct your spelling
essential
history
than the past of the world.In my opinion, I disagree with this
statement and I will discuss in
Correct pronoun usage
it in
this
essay.
Firstly
, the
world Correct article usage
apply
history
would help us to discover about
other Change preposition
apply
countries
Change noun form
countries'
country's
cultural
.The historic people were the Replace the word
cultures
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
started
the activities or the worship ritual of each nation and it was Correct pronoun usage
who started
wrotten
down on the rocks,Correct your spelling
written
notes
and Correct word choice
and notes
keep
to nowadays generations.Those activities Wrong verb form
kept
became
Wrong verb form
have become
the
traditional Correct article usage
apply
or
Correct word choice
apply
festival
now.Fix the agreement mistake
festivals
For example
, the tradition of having food by hand of the Indian could be weird for
other Change preposition
in
countries
but it has various to health by the conception of Indian, they thought
that using Wrong verb form
think
hand
can link their body Correct pronoun usage
their hand
with
food which mean Change preposition
to
to
Correct your spelling
it
increase
the mentality of the meal.
Wrong verb form
increases
Secondly
,learning antiquity
of most Correct article usage
the antiquity
nation
would make us Fix the agreement mistake
nations
understood
Wrong verb form
understand
of
the relationship Change preposition
apply
of
developed Change preposition
between
countries
and special
Correct pronoun usage
their special
occassion
of them. The Correct your spelling
occasion
occasions
against of
Change preposition
apply
the
2 Correct article usage
apply
countries
started from the past of war and attack
each other. It Wrong verb form
attacked
begin
Change the verb form
begins
from
the greeding of the presidents or unnormally behavior of residents.Change preposition
with
Example
, Ukraine and Russia started Change preposition
For example
war
with Add an article
a war
the war
action
to provoke the respect of Fix the agreement mistake
actions
history
in Russia such
as destroy
the statue of Lenin, got Wrong verb form
destroying
meeting
to follow to Europe Replace the word
meetings
countries
.
In conclusion, The important
of world Replace the word
importance
history
is not to be disregard
so I disagree to Wrong verb form
disregarded
ommit
that and change to local Correct your spelling
omit
commit
history
, both of those are essencial
to study for students.Correct your spelling
essential
Submitted by anhnguhongmai on
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Develop a clearer and more coherent structure for your essay. Make sure to address the task prompt directly and provide specific and relevant examples to support your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the organization of your essay by using cohesive devices such as transition words and phrases. Ensure that your introduction and conclusion clearly outline your main points and provide a sense of closure to your essay.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite