Using mobile phones and computers, many people are not able to communicate face-to-face.
It is often believed that many
people
living today lack the ability to communicate face-to-face with their growing reliance
on modern technology such
as mobile phones and computers. I partially agree with this
view, for their increasing time in isolation regardless of the fact that electric gadgets have made them more comfortable in expressing their views.
On the one hand, continuous reliance
on technology damages the interpersonal skills
of many people
as they are more separated from others
. In other words
, various services are provided by electric tools, which makes many young adults too satisfied to spend more time with others
. For instance
, students that I currently teach at high school seem to be so obsessed with playing online games and watching movies to avoid contact with others
. When it comes to talking for a break, however
, they only speak a few words, while
barely making eye contacts
, which makes their conversations awkward and confusing.
Fix the agreement mistake
contact
On the other hand
, reliance
on electric gadgets facilitates people
's communication
in real life since they gain more confidence in expressing their personal feelings. Indeed, they are more likely to expose their private lives as they post their pictures and video clips on various SNS sites such
as You-Tube
and Instagram. Correct your spelling
YouTube
This
allows them to have communication
skills
that are essential in real life as they gain a wide range of vocabularies
in various topics Fix the agreement mistake
vocabulary
as well as
more objective evaluations of themselves to impress others
. Therefore
, their reliance
on technology does not necessarily inhibit their interpersonal skills
as they express themselves in various ways.
In conclusion, I somewhat agree that the use of mobile phones and computers negatively affects people
's communication
as they enjoy more solitary activities. However
, their communication
skills
improve dramatically thanks to frequent opportunities to express themselves.Submitted by mizuho on
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task achievement
Ensure that all your ideas are fully articulated, and the essay systematically addresses all components of the prompt, with a well-rounded exploration of different perspectives.
coherence cohesion
Think about structuring your arguments in a more distinct manner, ensuring each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that guides the reader.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion clearly present and summarize the main arguments, effectively framing the essay.
task achievement
Your essay provides specific examples to support your ideas, enhancing understanding and engagement.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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