It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
IELTS Writing Task Chart for It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
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It is argued by certain individuals that learning about local
history
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holds more significance for schoolchildren than comprehending
world
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history
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. In my opinion, I partly agree with
this
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point of view because both
world
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and local
history
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are important for children in some way. On the one hand, there are several reasons why children should learn about local
history
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.
First,
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learning about local
history
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is important in cultural identity education. By learning about prominent events, characters, and historical landmarks in the area, students can better understand their roots, providing a sense of pride and familiarity with the local community. Especially encourage the youth who love
history
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to have the opportunity to promote the local characteristics.
Furthermore
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, a good understanding of local
history
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will help bridge the gap between generations, promoting respect for previous generations.
For example
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, in Vietnam, after hearing about local
history
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such
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as the day of national independence, the students became more and more interested
and
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in and
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respected
to
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by
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their predecessors.
On the other hand
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, studying
world
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history
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should not be overlooked,
this
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is meant to better understand a country and what it needs to grow stronger.
Moreover
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, understanding
world
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history
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is a huge advantage for an individual. Taking the US as an example, understanding
history
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will help individuals gain information about the financial situation and develop the country, thereby improving their position in the country. In conclusion,
although
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local
history
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is necessary for the persons who live in that city or nation,
world
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history
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has a crucial role. I believe that
parallel
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a parallel
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study of local and global
history
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can be more effective for
young
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a young
the young
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age.

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coherence cohesion
Your argument is generally well-structured, but there's room for improving the logical flow between points. Ensure that the transition between paragraphs is seamless and that each subsequent point builds upon the previous one effectively.
coherence cohesion
While a suitable introduction and conclusion are present, consider refining your conclusion to more robustly summarize your key points and restate your opinion more powerfully.
coherence cohesion
You've supported your main points but strive to include more detailed examples and evidence. Specifically, in the discussion of local history, citing particular local events or their impacts could add strength to your points.
task achievement
Your response addresses the tasks, but ensure the balance in discussing local and world history. It is essential to delve deeper into the question, expressing the extent of agreement or disagreement and elaborating on why one might be favored over the other.
task achievement
Ensure that the ideas you express are comprehensive and fully developed. Each paragraph should follow a clear central idea, which is currently present but could benefit from more explicit examples and elaboration.
task achievement
The use of relevant and specific examples is essential in strengthening your arguments. You could improve your essay by incorporating a wider variety of examples from different contexts or expanding on the examples provided to clearly illustrate your points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • heritage
  • cultural identity
  • ancestry
  • traditions
  • globalization
  • empathy
  • contemporary issues
  • integrate
  • perspective
  • civilization
  • diversity
  • innovations
  • historical significance
  • nationalism
  • cosmopolitanism
  • historiography
  • geopolitical
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