The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in school curriculum to what extinct do you agree?
The increasing number of obese
people
is burdening the health care
system. Correct your spelling
healthcare
According to
some, the best method to curtail the challenge is to initiate additional sports and exercise classes in school programmes. In my opinion, I partially agree, that physical activities helps
Change the verb form
help
people
lose weight, but I also
believe that dieting is of
Change preposition
apply
importance
.
Replace the word
important
Overweight
causes various conditions Add a missing verb
Being overweight
such
as diabetes, high blood pressure, and even stroke in some circumstances. These are not once off
treatment diseases, but the patients become regular and dependent on special chronic medication. A lot of Add a hyphen
once-off
people
believe that inactivity is a major contributor to people
being overweight; therefore
, their
call for more exercise in schools. The belief is that during Correct pronoun usage
they
exercising
, most of the fat in the body is burnt out. Replace the word
exercise
Therefore
, when individuals keep lean and fit bodies through exercising
, they do not easily fall sick. Change the form of the verb
exercise
As a result
, the health care
system will be more readily available to attend to critical conditions.
Correct your spelling
healthcare
However
, in addition
to physical education classes, I think dieting is equally vital. If the right diet is not maintained, then
exercising only
may be futile as a means to lose weight. Despite a good Rephrase
apply
exercising
program, continually eating Replace the word
exercise
of
junk food will cause unhealthy issues including obesity. Change preposition
apply
Hence
, my conviction, that
dieting with exercising could prove to be a more better curriculum than doing activities alone.
In conclusion, I recommend that schools incorporate proper diets to suit their various Add a missing verb
is that
extra curriculum
physical activities. In doing so, Correct your spelling
extracurricular
people
will become aware of how important as well is
Correct your spelling
as
health
eating to Replace the word
healthy
maintaining
fitness.Wrong verb form
maintain
Submitted by mmarizani on
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Task Response
Ensure that you clearly express whether you fully agree or partially agree with the statement in the prompt.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the use of cohesive devices and transition words to better connect ideas and improve overall coherence.
Lexical Resource
Expand your range of vocabulary and utilize more precise and varied language to express ideas.
Grammatical Range
Work on sentence structure variety and use a wide range of grammatical structures to enhance clarity and coherence in expression.