“Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults.” discuss both views and give your opinion.

The most ever-controversial issue may be if competitive childhood provides healthy adulthood, or if it just adds pain to insult. Some claim that racing motivates them to be better than others;
consequently
, it is useful
whereas
others argue that collaboration renders anyone harmonious and a team member.
This
essay will discuss the competition in terms of pros and cons, and state my point of view. On the one hand, It is crystal clear that nobody underestimates how important acting competitively is in most cases, for it makes children more outstanding, and it grants self-confidence in convenient conditions. To exemplify, a competitor desires to stand out; that’s why, the guy takes the initiative;
hence
, the leadership trait upgrades to a better level.
Furthermore
, Situations that require rivalry offer creativity. To illustrate, The individual becomes increasingly ambitious and craves a great version of himself/herself.
Thus
,
this
leads someone to attempt more original actions.
On the other hand
, Cooperating with one another is, in fact, a superpower that makes a challenging situation seem to be easier. A case in point is co-actively dealing with hardships because teamwork enables better problem-solving, for there are numerous points of view. Murphy says behind every genius is a team.
Moreover
, cooperation enhances personal development as it supplies a range of divergent views. Namely,
this
means that he/she can obtain information to achieve the impossible.
Thus
, children can learn from each other, and teach one another.
Besides
that, unlike competition, teamwork does not stress individuals since it demands solidarity.
Overall
, Both have pros and cons that help children become more active and valuable;
however
, teamwork proposes more advantages for the reason that it involves fewer negative aspects.
Submitted by cemdemircan1283 on

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task response
Ensure that the essay addresses all parts of the question thoroughly, including both views and your opinion. Support each viewpoint with examples and balanced reasoning.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure is fairly good, but ensure that each paragraph flows logically from the previous one. Use cohesive devices to link ideas more effectively.
lexical resource
Your vocabulary and word choice are quite good. However, try to incorporate more precise and varied vocabulary to further enhance your lexical resource.
grammatical range
While your grammar is generally accurate, aim to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical structures and sentence types. Vary your sentence structures for a more sophisticated language use.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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