IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

New parents should attend parenting classes to learn how to bring up their children well. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#parents #classes #children
Some people argue that
parents
 who recently become
parents
 for the first time in their life need to parenting classes for how to bring up their
children
 well. I strongly believe that they should attend parenting classes.That should help them when their
children
 grow up.
However
, new
parents
 do not learn, they can make
own's
Correct pronoun usage
their own's
show examples
 teaching
methods
. Nowadays, people can easy to get and find
information
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
 SNS and other communication services. That
information
include
Change the verb form
includes
show examples
 a lot of
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 teaching ways.The
information
 has a number of cases and solved problem
methods
. But,they do not know
root
Add an article
the root
show examples
 of the
information
. if, the
information
 was fake or bad
method
. Their
children
 will be dangerous. New
parents
 do not have parenting experience. And, they almost do not have knowledge
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 growing
children
. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 they did not have experience becoming mothers and fathers. So, They should need
methods
 how to bring up their
children
 well. That
method
 should learn by experts than SNS or
commucation
Correct your spelling
communication
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
show examples
. that can decrease bad way teaching
method
Fix the agreement mistake
methods
show examples
 for their
children
.
Parents
 must keep their
children
.
That is
 not never change. The mentioned above, all each
parents
 have their own's
methods
 for
children
. We do not know
that
Correct word choice
whether
show examples
 the
method
 is bad or good. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 all each
children
 have different egos and growth environments. But, if, they want to become a good dad and mom, should attend parenting classes.
that is
 a good way for
thier
Correct your spelling
their
children
. And
then
, they make their own's
method
 for their
children
 , after they have basic experts guide.
Submitted by moneekun on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: