Children spend a lot of time watching TV and playing computer games; however, it does not help in improving their mental abilities. Do you agree or disagree.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the contemporary world, the effects of electronic devices on our health play
such
Linking Words
a controversial part in our lives. It is asserted that young people spend a wide range of time on computers and TVs. The writer wholeheartedly agrees with
this
Linking Words
statement because they will neglect their studies and negatively affect their strength. It is significant to be aware that education will not be seriously focused on owing to the fact that they use almost their time for playing games and watching programs on TV. By
this
Linking Words
, the author means that addicts tend to play games
instead
Linking Words
of studying new lessons or reviewing old ones which makes their knowledge disappear day by day.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, children's education plays a very essential role in the country’s development potential, the knowledge of today’s young generation is the premise that determines the future development of a country.
As a result
Linking Words
, the more time they use, the worse academic accomplishments they get. Another vital ingredient of the case for not using computerized appliances is that it will cause a growing number of adverse effects on mental well-being. It should be obvious that they just want to have private space with their appliances and do not need anyone to talk with.
In other words
Linking Words
, children will become autistic and gradually isolate themselves from everyone around them. It is unquestionably true to say that their behaviour will
also
Linking Words
be worse if they are separated from computerized devices. It must
also
Linking Words
be noted that electronic addicts get bad mental easily.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
some people claim that electronic appliances help their mental to improve, I firmly believe that using computerized devices is a useless way to improve mental health.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Examples
Ensure that the examples provided are specific and directly related to the argument. This will strengthen your position and make your essay more persuasive.
Vocabulary
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary to more effectively convey your arguments. It can also help to make your essay more engaging for the reader.
Argument Development
Consider exploring both sides of the argument, even if you strongly agree with one side. This can demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Structure
Your essay has a clear logical structure, making it easy for the reader to follow your arguments.
Conclusion
You've done well to provide a conclusion that summarizes your viewpoint effectively.
Cohesion
The use of paragraphs to separate different ideas helps in maintaining the flow of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • screen time
  • sedentary behavior
  • obesity
  • academic performance
  • social skills
  • mental health
  • attention problems
  • creativity
  • imagination
  • face-to-face interactions
What to do next:
Look at other essays: