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Band 4

Some children spend hours every day on thier smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think that this is positive or negative develpoment?

#children #hours #thier #smartphones #case #develpoment
Nowadays
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 and social network is an
improtant
Correct your spelling
important
 part of our daily life. Some people
worrying
Wrong verb form
worry
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that children
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
 too much
time
 on their smartphones
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 might
cause
a negative effects
Correct the article-noun agreement
negative effects
a negative effect
show examples
while
 some
agured
Correct your spelling
argue
 that it
provied
Correct your spelling
provides
 a positive aspect as well. In the following essays, both negative and
postive
Correct your spelling
positive
aspect
Fix the agreement mistake
aspects
show examples
 will be
discuesed
Correct your spelling
discussed
. In
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 era of technology and
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
, to be part of
the
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apply
show examples
society
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children might need
time
 and space to have their way to
socializing
Change the form of the verb
socialize
show examples
 with their peers through
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social media
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their smartphones
especially
Add the comma(s)
,especially
show examples
 during the pandemic
where
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 people can not meet each other
physicaly
Correct your spelling
physically
.
Moreover
, the kids might need
sometimes
Correct your spelling
some time
show examples
 to spend on their
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
 for their
up coming
Correct your spelling
upcoming
show examples
 homework, so it might
cause
 a lot of
time
 on their research.
On the other hand
, to let children
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 hours
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
 using their
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 can be dangerous.
Firstly
,
spent
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
time
 staring
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the screen for a long
time
 can be harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 their eyes in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 long term.
Secondly
, it
also
cause
Change the verb form
causes
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
physical problem
such
 as back pain and office syndrome for a child who sits or stayed in a bad position for hours. And
lastly
,
spent
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
 too much
time
 on their phone might
cause
 a bad relationship,
they
Correct word choice
and they
show examples
 might lose their sense of how to greet
of
Correct your spelling
or
show examples
 treat people in the real world. In
conclude
Replace the word
conclusion
show examples
,
although
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
allowing a child to
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
time
 might have a positive aspect
such
 as socializing on the internet or for
studing
Correct your spelling
studying
, it should
be uses
Change the verb form
be used
show examples
 in the right amount of
time
.
Otherwise
Add a comma
,Otherwise
show examples
 it will
cause
a negative effects
Correct the article-noun agreement
negative effects
a negative effect
show examples
 rather than
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
positive
one
Fix the agreement mistake
ones
show examples
.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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