Some people think that Olympic games are exciting events that bring other nations together. Other say Olympics is a waste of money and the moneycould be better spent on other things. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Some individuals believe that the Olympic games are international events bringing other
countries
to enjoy the festival, while
others consider that money
should be invested in other things instead
of holding the Olympics
. This
writer argues that the Olympic games help maintain peace in the world and enhance the relationships of other countries
rather than removing festivals to spend money
on other things.
It must be recognized that the Olympics
is an occasion that gathers all players in every nation together and gains victory for their countries
. It can help higher priorities in each country maintain tranquillity with others because the Olympics
is also
a special occasion that makes peace between countries
that have little conflict and prevents the outbreaking of war. Moreover
, war affects a lot of people
's lives and finances. Therefore
, the Olympics
should be held to avoid the
bad results for these nations.
Correct article usage
apply
However
, other individuals believe that the Olympics
should be removed and money
should be invested in facilities for homeless people
. This
belief is based on nowadays life that the cost of living is too high that poor people
become poorer because they cannot afford standard demand in society. For
this
reason, others say that money
should be spent on difficult situations to enhance the country's potential. Moreover
, It can also
solve some social tensions and problems such
as crimes, and drug dealers,.. by reducing the cost of living so that people
can live easily.
This
writer believes that avoiding wars in the world is necessary. This
is due to
the fact that war just brings trauma and misery for soldiers and waste in finance because of weapons investment. Therefore
, the Olympics
should be remained
and invested to become a better place for other nations to show their competitive spirit.
Correct your spelling
retained
To sum up
, maintaining peace and enhancing relationships are essential points that need to be considered. Therefore
, it should have been shown that governments must prioritise the world's problems as considered ones.Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
To enhance your essay, it's essential to include more specific examples and evidence to support your points. This could involve citing historical or contemporary instances where the Olympics have either fostered international peace or been criticized for their costs.
coherence and cohesion
While your essay is generally well-structured, working on the flow and connection between ideas can improve coherence and cohesion. Using more transitional phrases and ensuring each paragraph smoothly leads to the next can make your argument more compelling.
general
There are minor grammatical errors and stylistic issues that need to be addressed. For instance, phrases like 'outbreaking of war' should be corrected to 'outbreak of war.' Making sure your language is precise and formal will improve your essay's clarity and impact.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your essay well.
task achievement
Your essay directly addresses the prompt and provides a balanced discussion of both views.
coherence and cohesion
The main points are logically presented and well-supported, although additional evidence would strengthen them further.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.