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Band 6

Parents should encourage their children to spend less time on studying and more time on physical activities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#parents #children #time #activities
The lack of physical fitness has become a considerable concern in the present world. In relation to
this
, most individuals argue that parents should lead their kids to concentrate on health
instead
 of acquiring knowledge. I will examine both prospectives and grounds on the issue below and I partly support
this
 assertion. Undeniably,
due to
 the preferences for indoor positions
have
Correct pronoun usage
that have
show examples
 become popular nowadays, students have to focus on studying. Foremost, professionals in the office offer a high salary and flexible working time to manage their free time comfortably. To be more detailed, plenty of tasks require specific literacies
such
 as mathematics and sciences
as well as
 business. In fact,
those intelligence
Change the determiner
that intelligence
show examples
 can obtain from colleges where lessons by professors who are experts
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 certain fields.
Furthermore
, higher institutions can support undergraduates and graduates deeply to possess in-depth ideas. For these reasons, those prestige schools are hard to get admission if they do not study enough before. On the flip side, there are several compelling reasons why students do more outdoor recreational activities. Primarily, since they are still in a growth period, there are diverse characteristics to learn first. Precisely, hanging out with their classmates is the best option to learn how to communicate with their peers
as well as
 discuss with their friends to achieve goals. To be more detailed, they can control their emotions
not to mention
 their temper to avoid drastic choices.
Furthermore
, playing outside can be another option to realize responsibility when it comes to decision-making. In a nutshell,
although
 educating young people is beneficial for their future, I am of the view that there are numerous essential mannerisms to gain rather than knowledge.
Submitted by kigj95 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Physical activity
  • Development
  • Concentration
  • Obesity
  • Burnout
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Healthy lifestyle
  • Intellectual development
  • Structured activities
  • Teamwork
  • Leadership
  • Sedentary behavior
  • Tech addiction
  • Role models
  • Family bonds
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