IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

“Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults.” discuss both views and give your opinion."

#“some #people #sense #competition #children #co-operate #adults
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Juveniles
Use synonyms
 are delicate,
thus
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 we need to take care of their breeding
process
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 seriously.
Therefore
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, a considerable number of people
supports
Correct subject-verb agreement
support
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 the idea that parents should bring up their offspring with the
competition
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skills
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,
whereas
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 others consider that
team work
Correct your spelling
teamwork
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 abilities exert a significant impact on children's growing
process
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 as an adult. In
this
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 article, I will be
highlightining
Correct your spelling
highlighting
 both views and
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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giving my own opinion on
this
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 notion.
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One
Correct your spelling
On
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 the
one
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 side,
sense
Correct article usage
a sense
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 of
competition
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 has a tremendous effect on
juveniles
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' academic performance.
In other words
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, when they feel they are in a scientific race with others, they might be more interested
with
Change preposition
in
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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fundamental subjects
such
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 as maths, literature,
history
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and history
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.
For example
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, teachers particularly award the
one
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 who is more talented, more logical,
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and more
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more fast
Replace the words
faster
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 at learning,
thus
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 they commence an academic race between children to foster
learning
Add an article
the learning
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process
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.
Hence
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, both teachers and parents ought to encourage
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children to increase their academic performance with the help of
competition
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.
On the other hand
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
co-operation
Correct your spelling
cooperation
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 has an enormous influence on
juveniles
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' growing
process
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, as they perform brainstorming
skills
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together with
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 their peers and allocate,
modify
Correct word choice
and modify
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 their ideas.
For example
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, as a technical task, students are asked to design a cartoon car, it is probable that students who work together would outperform
rathen
Correct your spelling
rather
 than those who worked alone,
as well as
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 would be benign individuals for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
To sum up
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, both co-operation and
competition
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skills
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 have pros and cons
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
juveniles
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' future goal as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
useful person for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. My personal view is that parents should mainly focus on
one
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 of them to make their offspring
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
form as
one
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 of the main
skills
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.
Submitted by vincent.grape1999 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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