IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The range of technology available to people is increasing the gap between the rich and the poor. Others think it has an opposite effect. Discuss both views and give your opinions.

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with the improvement of technology, the differences between developed and underdevelopment countries are rising dramatically these days.
While
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 some
people
Use synonyms
 believe
this
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 idea, the reverse is true for others. In
this
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 essay, I would like to express my opinions in two different ways. First of all, with the spread of technology and the Internet, most
people
Use synonyms
 who live in underdevelopment countries are reaching some resources around the world.
For instance
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, these
people
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 have a chance to access various sources about education and how to run a business. With
helping
Verb problem
apply
show examples
these items and tools,
people
Use synonyms
 could get a high-quality education and are transformed an individual who has critical thinking skills.
Thus
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,
people
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 could work for either some companies or run their
businesses
Correct word choice
own businesses
show examples
 and
therefore
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 potentially decrease the gap.
Secondly
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, wealthy
people
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 could always more access the capabilities of technology than other
people
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.
For example
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, a groundbreaking invention which could estimate health conditions with
people
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's movements is bought by only rich
people
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.
People
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 who were born with a silver spoon in their mouth could afford to buy new
technologic
Replace the word
technological
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 toys. In
this
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 situation, it is clear to say that, the differences between rich and poor
people
Use synonyms
 won't close in the near future. So,
to sum up
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, the gap between two groups of
people
Use synonyms
 is evaluated as the most significant thing in the world.
Furthermore
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, the governments ought to find out the best way to
make
Verb problem
apply
show examples
cooperation
Replace the word
cooperate
show examples
 with all local authorities,
such
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 as the government could arrange some organisations to interact with all
people
Use synonyms
 to each other via using the power of social media. It could be the only solution to
this
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 issue.

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coherence cohesion
Task Response: The essay covers both views on the impact of technology on the wealth gap. However, the examples provided need to be more balanced and the opinions more clearly expressed.
task achievement
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay demonstrates some logical structure, but the introduction and conclusion could be more developed. Additionally, the use of cohesive devices is limited, which affects the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.
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